Dave watched Bob from the front passenger’s seat as the seats filled behind us. I was trying to get a read on Bob and was failing. Finally he came to Dave’s window. 

” Can you drive me to basecamp? ” He asked, seemingly oblivious to the van full of crew I was taking to lunch in the opposite direction. 

As I drove away Dave told me he liked my answer and then joked. ” Everybody out of the fucking car right now… Bob’s got Important work to do.”

” Was that his expectation?” I asked Dave.

“Nah, he’s just focused… He’s just one of those people who if he’s not where he supposed to be in his mind; if his time space continuum is altered in any way from his expectations then he just does everything in his power to get back on track. ”

I have been schooled! Thank you Dave!

Dennis Mantin 

Hungry Angry Lonely Tired

The wisest teachings I’ve ever heard dictates that if you are emotional or unreasonable and you are feeling any of these, then MAYBE  you could ease up on yourself a wee bit. 

A little self awareness isn’t a bad thing.

Stop and eat if you’re hungry.  Rest if you’re tired. Take a time out if you’re angry… The general consensus is that we will so seldom admit to loneliness that HALT could be referred to as HAT.

. 

Dennis Mantin 

The Darkest Heart has

The lightest touch and 

The grandest fears 

And the longest crutch 

How much we’ve grown 

I have learned so much 

Can’t look away from 

The lies and such.

Dennis Mantin 

Before my daughter could talk she had a favorite book which had pictures of about 10 animals and in this book each animal had a furry patch to touch…       The anteater had a fuzzy tongue and the gorilla had a hairy chest for examples. 

I noticed she loved the gorilla most of all. She would kiss the face of the gorilla so much that her 2 teeth had dented the gorilla picture on his mouth. 

Then one day after she’d begun to first talk, she opened her book to the gorilla picture and kissed him and smiled at me and pointed to the Gorilla and said, “Dada.”

Dennis Mantin 

There are moments in people’s lives;   That if they have the ability to listen;   and if they are able to understand the signs; then they might determine that they are in the wrong place at the wrong time. There were at least 4 times that Dinky MacIver could remember experiencing this phenomenon. The first time was seconds after he’d slipped on the morning dew while running the outer span of the Iron Bridge; and seconds before a 51 foot fall that left him in a coma for 48 hours. 

The second time occurred many years later in therapy when the woman who claimed to be a trained therapist shared: “I remember my mother trying to abort me… I am remember fighting with the knitting needles. ”

The third time happened when the woman he loved… spit in his face for the fifth time.

Dinky said, ” If you do that again… I’m leaving. ” 

He packed and left that night. 

He was sure that there were other times however none that were as clear as these. 

Dennis Mantin 

It’s hard to believe, knowing what I know now, that there was a time that I loved her.

However, looking at the photos from then, not so long ago, I see the beauty and joy and I have to admit it’s true; I did. 

It’s not that I miss that love and beauty and joy so much that I can’t breathe. 

Not at all… this is a distant pleasant wonderful memory; that I am grateful for. 

No it’s that this beauty has been replaced by a meanness so vile I barely believe it can be the same person. 

Dennis Mantin 

Once, a long time ago, I was told by one of the STAINED ARRANGERS that I didn’t know how to communicate. 

I thought about that for a day and decided they might be right. I asked what I should do about this and the STAINED ARRANGER told me I should take a course in effective communication.            I said, “OK.”

What I learned was the I message, YOU message; which is… if you begin a sentence with YOU; YOU are already in trouble because you are assigning blame. If you begin your sentence with I; you are expressing how you feel. 

I had been starting most sentences with you. I gave the course bill to the STAINED ARRANGER to pay. 

” I feel better.”

DENNIS MANTIN 

My Zylia 6,  phoned me this evening to say hello. I bought her her first phone this past weekend and she is so happy about that…

6 years ago today we were on a beach in Bali, which was my last time on a beach.

She was months old and she’d start to dance in my arms as soon as she heard and smelled the ocean.

She said to me this past weekend, “I  remember when Mom and I were both sick and you sat with us to take care of us… those were good times.”

I don’t remember that but I do remember her refusing to go to her crib and crawling to my bed when we were in France and her Mom and Aunts shaking their heads… As Zylia and I giggled and she held me not letting go until one of her Aunts said, “She’s got him wrapped around her little fingers already.”

“OUI”

Dennis Mantin 

I have experienced rejection at an epic level. I was told my father was dead and he wasn’t. 
Nobody would talk about him and when I finally figured out that he was alive and I couldn’t be denied, I was told by his father that he was criminally insane. This was another lie.

What these lies do to anyone at a core level is they undermine all sense of trust.

After years of therapy, facing my fears and grasping an understanding of Humanity with all her flaws and wonderment… I have been granted a gift. My wonderful gracious gift is that I have become a present grateful father who has zero expectations of others…

Dennis Mantin 

The season has changed now.                      It’s warmer and we’ve shed the layers.    I feel lighter and there’s an air of happy joy in the parks.   The pools will soon be open here in the city. 

Soon the voices of discontent will share suffering stories about heat and woe.

I will direct them to the lake or sea or the swimming hole. 

The ocean is my happy place. 

It’s been years…

Dennis Mantin