Weary in the shadows, that glow before the sun.

I’ve rested in a restless dream that has no need for fun.

We made it to the sunrise, awake and full of blood.

That flows and fuels this vessel that’s hope and flesh and mud.

I’ve prayed and laid it out, to this spirit I call God.

I told him of my woes and fears, just waiting for a nod.

The sun will rise I’m certain, see the orange glow in the east.

Another day upon us, Another chance to feast.

The winds are slightly stirring, a slight rain in the air.

I know I should be happy and smiles without a care.

There’s a feeling that’s uneasy that comes with lack of sleep.

Best now not to say a word, the silence I can keep.

I sometimes I sit and wonder what more I could have done.

It feels like its over, I guess I thought we’d just begun.

I’m feeling kinda silly but I know that’s nothing new.

I’m holding up this mirror and I’m staring back at you.

I’m swimming in the ocean and it feels like I’m cursed.

Surrounded by this liquid and I’m dying now of thirst.

I guess it’s love that fails cause you know it can’t be me.

It’s just never easy darling, It’s just sometimes not to be.

I don’t believe in such nonsense… It was just coincidence that they said my father was dead when he wasn’t and that my mother caught her first husband trying to kill my older sister or that the mother of my daughter…

However I have these unconcious fears. If I give this voice or pen will it be the prick to that balloon? It is my daughter I fear for.

I pray daily because I would rather be wrong about that than be wrong about the consequences of not praying .

I have this theory that courage to face fears is the difference in those realms of unknown circumstances that sometimes requires faith or as David said to me, “When that hairy hand of fate reaches out from the darkness to squeeze the life out of you; you stab it. That’s what I love.”

Oh to be that sure.

Children shrouded in fabric wraps digging there boots into the ice and snow against grey skies and worried hurried looks from parents… dragging them towards school and late for whatever it is they do.

Everyone is always late, even when they’re not.

I have reached a point in life where I value my opinion above most others.

In any large decision I ask 3 people there opinion before I act.

If I am asking you for your opinion understand I respect you.

Conflict. Court. Judge. Stress.

It’s never as bad or as good as it seems I tell myself and try to let that go…

All this will soon be over following its 15 minutes of fame in the spotlight to die a natural death in the shadows of misery like a fart in a hurricane.

I fight for her and that is the good fight.

…

You got lost. (The gentleness is gone.)

Unable to find the path. (Innocence lost)

That would lead you to the great ambition that you imagined for you… (No crime there.)

Except your disappointments have caused you a misery where you hate all that you are.

Nothing to do.

Except pine for you.

And feeling blue.

Ain’t nothing new.

That stench of sex and success that permeates the pores of the loved and adored in their primes… I have not known.

This phenomenon I have seen and perhaps in my youth I envied, however from this distance, thank God for the afflicted, the stench is fleeting!

Apparently Envy is everywhere.

At least according T.S. Elliott. I am without this. I appreciate the talents of others however don’t want to be like them or be them. This is not delusional. I remember wanting to be anyone but me.

What fortune to grow out of this!

Many have not apparently.