Under that bright shine.
Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
The brave came to conquer and some melted under the weight of critique.
A few reached great heights and suffered that which few come to know.
The meek hid in the shadows with me. Under that bright shine was not for us. Tis cooler here with a better view, or so goes the rumor.
Dennis Mantin
The night has fallen and the cool dark air has wrapped us once again in a fear that cannot be wished away.
In the morning of the future that does not exist I will awaken in my bed and really luck is all that I have known.
The work is what separates us from this savage gnawing pain of discomfort that only money and faith can cushion.
I wonder sometimes how brave the homeless must be and then I see from my luxury that no that may not be so.
She said that Canada 🇨🇦 is a tricky land. Filled with tricksters and dishonest types.
“Filled?”
I am sometimes unsure if my questions take audible flight or if they remain stuck in my head behind an expression of suspended disbelief…
She continued. “Abusive people who stole the land from the aboriginals.”
I was reminded of a sentence in ‘Heart of Darkness’ “They were conquerors. Not much to brag about really when everything you have has been stolen from the weakness of others.”
“Yes… this is our collective human history. Don’t stare too long into that abyss; for you may become the monster my dear.”
He walked up the path with the help of a cane towards me; however I sped off past his gaze with grey hooded eyes; out of his reach for at least another day waiting out time and whistling past the graveyards…
At night when I pause and pillow meets head and the cooler night air embraces the darkness; it is here where pause is given and I meditate not long on the many things out of my control and somehow I manage to sleep…
I am aging now more than I can know and the miles are adding up in ways that somehow show in places I no longer worry about; waiting for that moment when someone someday will say to me, ‘old-timer.’
Been hearing the Nihilist bang on her drum.
No need to speak, cause no words will come.
She’s rejecting all comers, there’s nothing to choose.
There seems there’s no meaning except for the blues.
The smile seems forced, no joy in that face.
Her pain is well known, been making her case.
I can’t see the future, except that it’s near.
I somehow feel better not being so clear.
It’s cold when it’s warm, it’s wet when it’s dry.
And nothings as quiet as a wordless goodbye.
It’s not wrong to feel sorry.
It’s not right to enjoy the fall.
You just need to row your own dory.
So sorry you can’t have it all.
I guess I could say I got what I came for.
Guess you could say she got what she needs.
It means sometimes the bad guys score.
It means sometimes the monster feeds.
Oh hell now don’t look so broken hearted.
Not done for you, you just faced your fears.
Win lose or draw you finish what you started.
If it makes you happy then shed some tears.
I have watched you in your pain and I’ve listened to you in your assuredness and I have wondered how did your mind get so certain?
It isn’t that you’re always wrong, no. It’s that you’re so certain that you’re always right and never wrong that’s I find interesting.
Where I knew for certain of the dilemma you find yourself in… was the time you responded to my claim that my daughter was my best friend.
You snapped with vitriol.
“You can’t be friends with your children.”
I responded, ” It is sad for you that this was your experience.
No doubt with me, it was here that you developed this lonely certainty you cling to so tightly.
She wanted money. I said no. She hung up abruptly… no goodbye.
It’s not the first time this has happened. Many people I know don’t deal well with no.
What is it about me and money? No harm in asking however there are 3 possible answers 😉 and no is one of those.
I feel something built up; rising from somewhere ancient deep and a part of me nods and smiles:
“There you are! My old friend Rage… How ya been?”
I let him out and I spout some frothy nonsense until even I think.
‘Yeah right”
My apologies are genuine and fast! I’ve been down this road and have become resigned to the possibility that I may never find the ability to shut up when I am emotionally charged and challenged.
Sometimes you see them slip and fall. Sometimes you just find them resigned. Sitting there fretting… all hope drained. Planning the next big move?
Sometimes you wonder how they do it? Sometimes you try to help and then… Sitting waiting for some light and hope. Preparing for that onslaught of compassion.
