The Cameo belonged to my mother Margaret who died 50 years ago this year. Thank you to my sister Peggy Anne for gifting this to my daughter from her Grandmother.

The Pearl was a gift to me from Zylia’s Grandmother Sylvia, from her mother’s side of the family on the occasion of Zylia’s birth.

The chain is a gift to me from Zylia’s mother Violaine.

Now they all belong to Zylia with love and joy!

My only other experience with this phenomena happened when I met my future mother in law for the first time and upon hearing that my mother was dead, she caressed my hands in hers and smiled sweetly, “You can call me Mom.”

I replied something like thanks but no thanks, I love my mother very much despite the fact she’s dead and I would feel uncomfortable saying that. She insisted. I said no. Later she insisted again. When I went to her daughter and said, “I’m feeling a little uncomfortable with your mother wanting to call me Mom.” She replied, “That’s funny as she says you’re the one insisting that she call you Mom.”

The similarities in both is that both felt a rejection or ridicule and therefore might have felt shame upon reflection on their actions or realized their ideas were fucked up and couldn’t deal with it?? I don’t know… I just find human reactions fascinating!

I know a man who witnessed ‘something’ and reacted to me in a way that showed he was appalled by what he saw. I found it funny and laughed at him. 15 years later after not seeing him for more than a decade he was so glad to see me and said, “I was just talking about you the other day and I was telling people about that ‘something’ you saw and you got so angry and we laughed and laughed.” I replied that really funny Bob, except it’s not true… you were the one who witnessed ‘something ‘ and I laughed at you.

I saw his eyes glass over before he walked away and I had never experienced that kind of projection before however apparently it happens all the time according to people whose opinions I value.

I do know that the reason they abolished the death penalty in Illinois in 1997 was DNA evidence cleared 13 of 27 inmates on death row and all convictions happened as the result of eye witnesses who relied on memory.

Did I imagine it all or some? Nah!

First there was the Father, Son and Holy Spirit under the spell of peasantry and all the horrors with those fears.

Later, much later, came Joseph Campbell, Jordan Peterson and lately, finally I found Marshall Mcluhan…

By fluke or grand design I met the artists Fischl and Fournier and the humanity that they brought.

And still I listen.

The others have risen… No longer to be ignored!

We are linked by our humanity. Our secrets not really secret at all.

We are irrevocably involved and responsible for one another.

The Global Village has removed the barriers and harmony if it ever existed; is now the passionate involvement of the individual in the business of others…

Before the global village and its computerized electric marvel was the industrial revolution that fostered a depression sandwiched between 2 world wars; and before that… peasantry, and one can only imagine the horrors of that without the internet or Netflix!

The future of the future is the present if you are looking in the rear view mirror.

Now we know most of life’s mysteries and I long for the ignorance of that peasant in Van Gogh’s fields.

No resolutions!

Just a review…                   

The 2010’s were a great decade for me and I realize others will disagree.             

My daughter was conceived and born and with that I became a father.               

The 2010’s were my first decade where I was fully sober and in turn became a little more aware.   

Spiritual and financial gains were made. i am humbled and equally entertained most days and in control of very little.

We are all struggling, being taken out of routine, to know which day of the week it is; as if that really matters! Work is a distant memory as is all that came before. I see them in the coffee shops and malls, turning inwards, trying to make sense of it all.

The secret held fast until… It didn’t. Someone told me its not my secret to tell. Fair enough. I will continue this fiction.