The wise one told me that I was an ego maniac with low self-esteem… 

He said, “You have to make a decision about whether or not you want to grow up. ”

“How do I do this?” I asked.

“You must learn to fac
e your fears. ”

“What will my fears look like, sound like?” 

“They will talk very loud and very fast. ”

“What weapons can I use to defeat fear?”

“You just say no. ”

“When will it end?” I wondered out loud.

“When you hear the pop sound.” He smiled. 

“What’s the pop sound?” I knew I’d regret asking…

“The sound of your head coming out of your ass.”

He always had a smile that started at his eyes.

It was long ago and we were younger then and much quicker to la
ugh.

Dennis Mantin 

I heard from Caitlin that you’re returning. 

“Oh joy, oh blessed be!”

You’ll descend upon our space with your barriers of rope and black curtains, ghettoising we the public from your genius.

I already have a bias from Cohen…              ” I don’t like your fashion business MISTER. I don’t like what happened to my SISTER. First we take Manhattan, then we take Berlin.” 

“Followed by Toronto Yorkville Village ?”

Have you not received the memo?

1 Lose the minimum wage security guards. 2  Drop the barriers. 3 Include the curious wholefoods shoppers and public who you are displaced by your mere presence. 4 Create a walk through for the public to see what’s happening that includes my 6 years old daughter who is interested and curious and who would give your event the honest appraisals and cred you seek and desperately need… possibly. 5 Grow up. 6 Visit Sick Kids Hospital with your event. 7 Stop taking yourselves so seriously. 

8 Or don’t. 

P.S. I like it here. 

Dennis Mantin 

Children of father’s who do little or nothing, often brag about their Daddy’s great feats! My mother referred to this phenomenon as Daddy Shit a Bear!

My daughter at 6 asked me, “How come you have so much money Daddy?”

“We’re very lucky. “I told her, ” I work for my money. ”

She pondered. ” I didn’t think you worked since you have lunch with me so often.”

” I just work around that, because that’s important to me. ”

When she was 5, we went to a Work Christmas Party. It was really set up for kids with rides and slides and Santa and gifts. After a couple hours I checked my phone and got lost there and when I picked up my head I couldn’t see her. 

I got that sick feeling one gets at such times… searching, spinning, panic!

I caught a glimpse of her behind me moving to stay at the center of my back. Somewhere between relieved and angry, I snapped, “Don’t ever do that!”

She smiled and started running circles around me. I said, “If you don’t stop that we are leaving.”

She continued and as I led her away I said in my best, I’m the boss, Daddy Shit a Bear voice  “Don’t say you weren’t warned! ”

She didn’t cry but she was disappointed and as I tied her shoes she said…

” Standing around in lines and waiting sometimes I get bored. I just like to have a little fun.” 

I was floored by her maturity and ability to communicate.  

” Do you want to stay?”

“Yes.”

“Ok.”

I’m being schooled by this little girl Mom! No Daddy Shit a Bear for me! We just like to have a little fun!

Dennis Mantin 

Barely 20: I was applying for a dish washers job at The Banff School of Fine Arts, when this very beautiful woman approached me and asked me if I’d like to be a model for an art class taught by Eric Fischl.

I told her I would love to but due to the fact I had no experience and also being so broke I couldn’t pay the tent fees at tunnel mountain and that I hadn’t eaten 5 days… it was probably best if I declined. I was certain that they would want their models to be a little more together. I was also terribly thin and horribly self conscious about my body.

She introduced me to Eric who said I’d do fine, and then she handed me a cheque for $900.00, a key to my room for the next 2 weeks and a card pass for the cafeteria for my time there.

It was here, sitting naked with a female model named Jane, terrified of getting an erection, that my eyes were opened.

A Q and A session between the 14 students and Fischl brought the comment from the woman I was most attracted to. ” I thought the male model would be more masculine. ”

The fears of the erection faded .

Fischl said. “Dennis has the same body type as Jane with the obvious difference in sexuality… What I want you to recognize is tone. Dennis is red. Jane is green. If you get nothing else out of this class… recognize tone.”

In that transcendent horrible moment of self-conscious shame I SAW TONE..

I was red and she was green. I saw TONE..

I saw colour everywhere after that. Before if I’d have been asked to paint a tree, it would have been one shade of brown. After I saw the blacks and purples, the greens and whites. My eyes were opened.

10 years later I met Paul Fournier and began to paint.

DENNIS MANTIN

“I want to be a writer.”  I watched my teacher laugh when I uttered those words and it didn’t kill my spirit or make me determined to show her… I remember thinking, how sad it is that you’re old and bitter and no longer dare to dream. 

I am probably older now than she was then and I feel like I’m at the beginning.

Having a good story is not the same as being a good writer and I have learned much with such  a long way to go. 

I asked Paul Fournier if he would look at my paintings.  He said after looking at 4 little canvases, ” I can’t tell you what you have, however you have what it takes to be great. ”

I’m pretty sure he didn’t believe what he said, but how generous is that!? He gave me a piece of advice I’ll not forget.  ” Don’t be afraid to use paint. ”

• I rented a studio, bought thousands of dollars of paint supplies and painted for years, lathering up those canvases with colour.

Paul showed up at the studio and suggested I do a show…

My God I was nervous… I thought people would laugh… 

They didn’t. 

Dennis Mantin 

The Unforgiven have a prison to the unforgiving’s key…

When the unforgiving pray to God they hear the unforgiven’s plea…

The unforgiving have a pit that’s dark and wicked deep…

If the unforgiven are locked within then neither one can sleep. 

The unforgivin have destain and darkness and oh, very much more…

They have their precious silence and the unforgiven’s roar.

Dennis Mantin 

I am sad to hear that you have passed. 

You gave me a great gift – Your time.   Your honesty. Your art. I first saw you in THE UNFORGIVEN… which to my surprise, really wasn’t about me.

I was proud to call you my friend…

You changed my life and gave me hope and I am grateful for you and you listened. 

You bought my paintings when I was a starving artist and that puts you in a very small exclusive group.

I was attracted to your passion and I loved the sound of your voice. I miss you already, as I always have. 

Cheers, thank you and warm regards Ron White…

Dennis Mantin 

She says she’s had one…I sit and listen. My eyes are are probably glazed now as I hear what I said months back being regurgitated as today’s epiphanies. Silence is best here. A nod and smile. A word of encouragement. 

I now know the time delay on being heard. 

“You planted a seed.” She said. 

“That’s me… Chauncey the Gardner.”

Dennis Mantin 

I was told: ” It’s not the lies  you tell others that are the problem. It’s the lies you tell yourself and believe them, that are the problem.”

I took to the principles of honesty with zeal, which would get it’s test here…

I had my back to the wall and somebody was in the wrong place.

Casper was a dealer, who convinced himself that I  was a cop and paced in front of me like a caged animal removing his shirt, which he threw in the corner and turned towards me to share his thoughts. 

“The reason I’m takin off my shirt is so after me and you is done doin the 2 step you’ll be able to identify me by my tattoos…  for when you’re filling out your report.”

“I’m not a cop.”

“Then what are you?”

“I’m somebody who likes to get high and you are really fucking with that right now… 

What I really am is scared…  and when I get scared bad things tend to happen.”

Casper snorted some form of acknowledgement before picking up his shirt. 

” I bet this shit works for you, doesn’t it?”

“What??

“Looking like a cop.”

“Working like a charm tonight…”

No one got in my way as I left and I can now spell Gratitude. 

Dennis Mantin 

The son of an Irish cop… Tough!

It’s difficult to determine my age in maturity, definitely a teenager. I was 42 when we met, I  was Childish, emotionally sensitive, idealistic. Sober.

I was afraid of you even when you approached me to offer help. My need for help was palpable. I was unaware at the time that I was gathering father figures. 

5 years you made yourself available, daily. I remember calling you about a drama, rage from work.  Les said, ” Mind your own business. ” And hung up.

Words to live by. 

Growth.

Thank you Les.

Dennis Mantin