It was Eve Of New Years 23.

I hadn’t made it out of bed.

All attention on the internet.

Reveiwing “Things I Wish I Said.”

In hindsight sometimes, I remember.

All those things I wrote.

There are dozens must be thousands.

Searching for that tattoo guote.

Many ways to tell a story.

Some good and some are not.

Things are not as they appear.

Is the only worthy plot.

Kindness is a confusing trait, especially coming from large, capable men. Being a skinny kid without a father, I learned kindness as a necessary survival tool: which worked brilliantly; except for the psychopaths and bully’s who were drawn to kindness like moths to flame.

Later, to dumb for words and having grown physically into one of those large capable men, I still carried my kindness survival kit with me. Which often caused confusion with those who had a difficult childhood and the psychopaths.

Once, with someone who had a difficult childhood and probably psychopathic, and whom I let get close, she said: “You are the kindest most generous man I have ever known.” When I asked her why she spread lies about me and said that I’m abusive, she answered. “Your kindness and generosity prove your abusiveness… nobody could be that kind.”

Which is a very enlightening sentence! I feel quite honored to receive such an education.

In conclusion, I have decided to remain kind to those I have known previously and have been able to fool successfully. The rest of you can go fuck yourselves!

Happy New Years MoFu’s!

Remember things you knew nothing about? Didn’t stop you from asking why?

And they told you that you were childish. Remember? You held back the need to cry.

You sucked it up, and you held it down. Because you get tougher as you go.

Well, here we are once again. Remember. You are always going to wanna know.

Let it be. Let them play. Let them be what they want to do.

It doesn’t hurt. They just flirt. It’s got nothing about me and you.

You just be never, never mind. Your business has gone cold.

You be lucky when you find. Left you breathing like you’re old.

Things they changed. Rearranged. And they’ll come back again.

You don’t know. You let that go. You are nothing but vanilla plain.

Vanilla plain was popular. I still give it a good go.

You don’t be asking for permission. It’s best that they don’t know.

3 years ago… I had just told her that I was no longer the most beautiful man in the world. That I had transcended beyond beauty.

Dennis Mantin

T’was the night before Christmas.

And all through the land.

Was Netflix, Nintendo.

No gatherings were planned.

We stayed in our houses.

Under blankets and quilt.

And ordered distractions.

That helps with the guilt.

The snow will bring Santa.

All gifts we do pray.

No mention of Jesus.

Has God gone away?

I am reading again… Savage Art, a biography about Jim Thompson, the author of The Killer Inside Me & The Grifters.

Here’s a quote:

“There are 32 ways to tell a story, and I’ve used them all. There’s only one plot. Things are not as they seem.”

Brilliant Mr Thompson!

You’ve really got to hand it to the Modern way of thinking.

The Modernist thinkers with the advantage of all history at their disposal have altered humanity to fit into their intellectual intelligence.

In no particular order:

Removal of Church and God to insignificant.

Replacement of Patriarchal structure with something softer and more gentle.

Let children decide their sex and allow castration of said children.

Suddenly abortion rights don’t seem to be the issue.

Well done!

Fuck

It’s funny to hear comments about how men don’t respect women: when most of the men I’ve observed, including myself, lose all sense of self at the sight of the women we are attracted to…

So, what is this phenomenon people are speaking of?

What is the expectation?

What fantasy fuckery are these trolls speaking about?

This leads to the real question:

Why are so many people alone and miserable?

“It’s always been a gift I’ve had. Finding beautiful cruel women… What I’ve never been able to figure out is it the beauty that makes them cruel or my desire?”