She is in me now…

I am not pushing back.

I told her that I love her.

And she asked me why.

Words become more or less redundant in such light. This is where less is more and I will stay here in this, until the answer arrives.

She wrote, ‘Do whatever you want.’

I wasn’t with her so I’m certain there was a certain safety in her submission, however nevertheless she certainly got my attention.

It didn’t seem to come from a place of pain. ‘Do whatever you want. ‘

At first it seems like a big list but the more I gave it thought it just reduced itself to me being with her…

The details I was sure I’d figure out.

They said “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks.”

“Nonsense!” I replied.

I have mastered online banking.

For my next trick I will attempt to endure suffering without complaint.

I chose my pain, it’s true.

I didn’t know what you knew.

Oh… Mistakes I’ve made a few.

I chose to leave you too.

From this came something new.

A life with baby grew.

I haven’t dated in 10 years.

In the beginning my reasons were more about not wanting my daughter to deal with the confusion of having a step mom.

Lately though it’s been more about feeling to old to start something new.

My daughter is 10 now and has been encouraging me to date someone we both know and she has been coaching me as to what to say and how to react to certain situations.

“You have to be patient Dad.” She said and continues with her reasoning. Later she offered. “That was a nice thing to do Dad. She will appreciate that. You will see.”

I have this friend and and life coach who is wise beyond her years and in terms of relationships; she has been an unexpectedly great teacher and coach who is light-years ahead of me in understanding women. Who knew?

The swets were dripping from us.

As the sun rose in the sky.

Not much past horizon.

Had this need to tell her why.

But I settled here in silence.

The way I knew I should

I left her with her swet and thoughts.

By the embers burning wood.

It just happens…

I don’t think about it anymore.

There is no struggle. No worries about whether you will like it. No judgment about quality, good or bad. I just write.

Often I forget about it as soon as I hit the publish button. What freedom. Soon my first novel will be published and strangely I suspect, with that I will be satisfied.

The writing of the novel just happened. Nothing changed after that except…

I don’t think about it anymore.

I just write…

I was having my morning Americano at my local watering hole… The Viking looking dude with the painted toe nails and a one eyed black beagle  was talking to ‘J’ the attractive barista, about this great happening new place somewhere… that was just the best place to be on the weekends; and J said, “I heard it’s like therapy!”

At least that’s what I think she said; but anyway they all agreed this new place was the ‘cats ass.’

And my first thought is, What is this new great place?

Which is quickly followed by this thought…  Don’t ask!

You will ruin it for them. You will go and judge and all will be upset.

Or

The moment you arrive the place is no longer the place to be.

So I left. I didn’t ask. The cool kids are safe.