The rain fell from the heavens.
The ground was slick and wet.
Windshield wipers slapping time.
We hadn’t got there yet.
Thunder roaring in the distance.
Where fears and dreams could meet.
Sure enjoyed this weekend past.
My Dear you looked so sweet.
“Someone who is born feet first, briefly wears their mother as a hat…”
We were waiting for the daybreak.
What some would call a sign.
Up all night for just one more take.
The show was on the line.
We were well fed, fat and tragic.
The directors name was on the chair.
They were making movie magic.
No cut, no wrap, no care.
It ended like a whisper.
Then we just drove away.
The air was cool and crisper.
And the Starlet had her say.
The summer overtook them.
They shed their frowns and clothes.
The winter just a memory.
In the past where all thought goes.
They smiled in the moments.
The way beauty often does.
Not thinking about yesterday.
Or tomorrow just because…
I was 32 when I decided to stop drinking. 35 when I succeeded. I didn’t know where to go at first because if I really didn’t want to drink then staying out of the bars was paramount.
Life began to get boring by the time I met her when I was 42. Then we had a daughter. The Boredom left and was replaced with narcissistic madness, lies, forgeries, courts and lawyers. I thought I longed for the Boredom again, however I just really wanted decency.
I am 18 years sober, my daughter is 10 and I think I have found who and what I am looking for. It is not to late. We are in a good place.
The air is cool now, almost no humidity. Anything seems possible. I am feeling light and free. The weight of the world has been lifted from my shoulders. The struggles are far from over. I just won’t be doing it alone.
I have reached out for help and help is coming in the form of beauty and grace… This is the version of the story I choose to believe, because in the end there has to be hope and love or really, what is it all for anyway?
We are alone now her and I and that’s more than ok. We’ve weathered that storm and now we get to start over.
I have asked her if she wants me to take one shot at being with someone I love and she said yes. I think she needs a mother, and I would like a partner.
I’m getting braver now. Not as much to lose. Everything to gain. One shot. I am calm and steady.
I do speak honestly. The time has arrived.
I was born naive through no fault of my own.
I was raised naive by the fault of someone not streetsmart…
However you eventually learn that anyone is capable of deception. I’ve known people who deceive just to prove they can do it.
And despite all this knowledge…
The great I am can be fooled.
I know someone who will tell you how honest they are and then explain to you something you know isn’t true. And yet it would never occur to me that this person would forge a document and falsify themselves in court.
I got ya now!
I couldn’t keep a straight face.
Oh the smiles had to fall.
That was such a tragic story.
How you suffered for us all.
You walked with Christ and Buddha.
Don’t know how you found the hours.
All those burdens you did overcome.
And still had time to smell the flowers.
I am basking in your glory.
If I dare to stand that tall.
Be careful with that next step.
And that Pride before the fall.
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