Nice weather on a Saturday with even a full moon seen…

It’s Halloween in spirit, avoiding covid19.

Recently I’ve discovered that anyone whose name I can’t recall or if I don’t want to talk to them I can just stare vacantly past them and pretend they don’t exist and I usually get the same. It’s wonderful really!

She is 8 and asked me this morning how old she needed to be before going on a date.

I said, “20 and why are you asking?”

“I have a personal life Dad!”

A personal life!? Really? We seemed to settle on 12 years old; and I have no idea what is acceptable.

I’m sure she will tell me.

I have erred in the humanities… Believing I could influence how you might see me, only to realize much to late, that this was none of my business.

Looking for something I seemed to miss.

Searching and yearning, heavenly bliss.

My child, my daughter I find all this.

The quote read:

Stand at the center of danger… it is where you will find safety.

I asked, “Does this mean be the danger?”

My friend who read me the quote, shook his head no and said, “The journey is to seek the danger out and stand in the middle of it.”

So much to learn and look forward to at such an advanced age.

There’s a drawback to total disclosure and honesty as a behavioral model and wearing one’s heart on one’s sleeve; with no filter or trickery… It does not make or prepare one to be a very good negotiator.

I have learned to use honesty and information as weapons; and when a less than virtuous response comes my way I just shut that down.

That was until she came along and at the age of 8 she is a master at negotiations. She is patient and clear with well thought out responses and I am impressed. She obviously did not learn this from me… Is it part of female DNA? I don’t know.

I just know that I am going to nurture this gift in her and see if at this advanced age if I can learn something from her and prove, that you can teach old dogs new tricks… or ferrets… because that’s what’s coming next; a ferret.

In my ignorance

I have loved

A passionate soul addicted to suffering.

No cure exists

For this longing

That ends well.

I view pet ownership in the same way I view relationships… I want nothing to do with either.

I have this version of my life that happens in my imagination that’s far from reality and a pipe dream at best.

My daughter lives with me full time, which is great for me however, she wants kittens and ferrets and dogs and I am tired of this conversation and bending and breaking, and I love her, I am doing once again what I don’t want to do…

A rhetorical question. Are all relationships like this? Yes I think to some degree they are.

With the perspective of experience I realize the chaos I was born into was inherited as opposed to inherent.

I have fought my way to a less chaotic rhetoric, however the forces that be seem to want me back!

Maybe chaos is the natural state of the world and the calm and peace of mind I’ve had in later years is the exception?