We did it! Success! Take an atagirl out of petty cash. Well done my love ! I am so proud of your efforts 👏

A live in Nanny for 9 months! Thank you M.C. So appreciated!

Thank you God!

Greatest year under stressful trying circumstances!

I was raised by women so I am more familiar with toxic femininity as a character fault… However there’s little doubt in my mind  that both exist.

Maybe Toxic Femininity just needs a better press agent… Shall we begin?

I was saved from growing up with the influence of ‘Toxic Masculinity’ by a mother who, God bless her; was not adverse to using physical violence to emphasize a point.

After Mom died of cancer, my step mother for the next 2 years essentially kept me a prisoner in a bedroom when I wasn’t in school which taught me imprisonment is not fun.

My half-sister was given a shot at me from ages 13-15 and without going into to many details… she failed in the parental opportunity bestowed upon her.

My experience has been that Toxic Masculinity and Toxic Femininity are the same thing… an abuse of misguided power or a lack of common decency when one person has power over another.

When I became a parent I decided that a successful approach to building a healthy relationship with someone over which I have power, mainly because I’m bigger than they are… is to build trust. I read that in a book called, ‘Every- day Blessings.’

The following I read this morning on a bathroom wall at my local Cafe.

Dennis Mantin

I didn’t dare relax much. Kept my back towards the sun.

I seen someone try it once and they kinda came undone.

They worked all days but Sundays, in the fields, their skin was brown.

Their outlook wasn’t rosy and their words could bring you down.

They grew in the ‘Depression. Maybe didn’t grow to tall.

I suggested that they relax once which was the beginning of the fall.

I sometimes think about them, but never for too long.

I have found a different way, not saying right or wrong.

Their smiles came so easy. I was awestruck… just amazed!

To wonder what it must be like to be feeling that unfazed.

To grow up with a knowing trust; that you’ll never be let down.

That someone’s looking out for you, and is here and not left town.

I felt I shouldn’t warn them of their fates so sure to come.

Cause I kinda like their happy talk, You know it really works for some.

So I smiled insincerely, tried it on, felt like a fool.

I’ll just stick to what I know, in the deep end of the pool.

I decided to do nothing.

Just to sit and stare.

To stay silent in the madness.

Drift to God knows where.

They called it meditation.

I called it hold the voice.

In the circuses of memory.

I guess I always had a choice.

Sunny and cooler…

Last Sunday of June.

Feel a tad bit uneasy.

Which can’t pass to soon.

Tis the one constant,

The phenomenon ‘Change.’

Is here and I face her.

And squint at the strange.

People have been pondering the questions… ‘Where do we come from? Where are we going to? What is the purpose of life?’ for as long as anyone can remember.

God appears to me to be the only answer. It doesn’t matter to me what you or anyone else believes… because clearly, you don’t know anything more about this than me.

Life for me seems to have been one long test that I have not tired of… oh I am tired, however this compared to the unknown alternatives?? I take this every time.

It sounds so ominous and permanent; The Buried Past.

The process is like this: a title like ‘the buried past’ comes to mind and I start from that:

THE BURIED PAST

The Buried Past, long shadows cast… Disappears in futures sun.

I keep you near, and lose the fear… I only write but tell no one.

It is somewhat tough saying ‘Goodbye.’ I guess it depends on who it is. However, these days for me, it’s anyone who treats me nice.

I have not spoken with someone for 10 months that I had communicated with daily for 10 years and I don’t miss them at all; mainly because I have never been so disrespected and mistreated by anyone in my life.

Sometimes I wonder what horrible things I must have done to deserve such treatment and then I realize I am not special. They treat anyone that way if given the opportunity.

The strange thing about people who don’t love and respect themselves is that they treat kindness as a weakness.

Patience is always a welcome virtue. However, seldom present when needed.

‘I want what I want and I want it NOW!’

Fuck that, we wait…

What I am waiting for now is a court date for sole custody of my child. I can wait with patience because she is with me and is safe and doing well.

Generally speaking I follow the rules. Where I work there are 2 rules… Both are, ‘Never be late.’ We wait.

A problem for rule followers like myself is doing business with those who don’t follow rules and this is why Lawyers are in such high demand.

I choose not to be a criminal and choose to be a civilian. Not because I feel one vocation more noble than the other necessarily… its just I am a natural worrier and get greater peace of mind from working for my money.