There’s a door at the top of the stairs that was built for the sole purpose that kittens don’t pass into bedrooms.

We are all living together full time; my daughter, me, the 3 kittens… and she has a phone of her own so she can communicate with her mother and I don’t have to.

A court order says only supervised visits with her mother.

Any messages directed to me are met with the same response.

“Talk to my lawyer. “

Boundaries are in place, some flimsy, others strong.

My 8 years old daughter told me she was mad… however she would not say why.

I naturally assumed that I did something wrong or the higher probability was that it was her mother.

I convinced her to tell me why and was shocked to find out that her rage is because she can’t see the boy she loves due to the fact that she’s had to change her daycare; because of covid19.

With tears in her eyes (which is rare) She said, “I never get to see Maliki… I want to see Maliki!”

This pandemic is so difficult for children and their relationships and I don’t think this is getting near the attention it deserves.

I’ve been told by her Nanny that she’s been neglected. Never thought about anything but abuse.

NEGLECT!?!?

I’ve been feeling neglected for so long… I thought it was normal. It’s not I guess. NEGLECT.

I asked her why she doesn’t brush her hair. She said, “No one showed me how.” Being bald is not an excuse my love, I will remedy this. I remember HAIR and LOVE 💘

Brush your teeth…

Brush your hair…

Come to the table to eat…

Stop hitting me!

Shut off the television!

Eat your food!

At what point do they hear?

Please… put the cat down.

At what point can I not have these repetitives rule my mind?

Their voices riding above the din…

“Oh Woe, oh Woe! Listen, Oh Woe, oh Woe! That’s right… I have a real complaint!

Pandemic/ Human Rights/MASKS!!/The Donald/SJW’s/The Left/millennials/Feminists/Karen’s!!!

Above or below the din… no one likes the Karen’s unless it’s the Farens which are just fake Karen’s. (MY 8 year old told me about the Faren’s)

At a grocery store on the street where my daughters school is, she was stopped from entering that store with the explanation that older vulnerable customers were sensitive to children being in the store while they shopped between 8 and 9.

“She’s wearing a mask and practicing social distancing!”

My suggestion that giving the old and vulnerable the 9 to 10 hour after the children were in school fell on SJW ears who wanted to make it about me not caring about the vulnerable.

Later the same day in a completely empty doctor’s office where I was 30 minutes early I was asked to leave and come back 30 minutes later due to social distancing.

“Jesus wept. ” And well he might.

She has entered this life and my world; Bringing her brand of joy and unique CONFIDENCE!

I am in awe! Filled with GRATITUDE!! This experience and time are and will continue to be the best of life for me and mine.

She is the reason and the why and who to have transformed me to parenthood and these are the true gifts of life and God.

She is the mother of my daughter and once upon a time I was in love with her.

A funny road filled with irony and pain with joy and madness has taken me here; and today I have been granted the gift of custody of my daughter.

In anger management class Nigel would say when I told him of the abuse I was enduring. “You chose her!”

No Nigel; who I choose is my child. Thank you God!

There are so many things out of my control.

In fact, there is little I’m in control of.

However when I’m full of anxiety and there’s something important on the line like the safety of my girl… This is when I rediscover faith and continue my search for peace of mind.

I can’t hear my mother’s voice anymore. It’s been this way for a while I guess… I just read a line that made me think this.

It’s the voice I held onto the most after her silence. I hear it now in my daughter. Me melting in her tones.

Even when I’ve had enough in any given moment, I don’t really want her silence.