This is the title of my first novel which I’ve finished, and has returned from the editor with good reviews.

I say the first because, I only intended to write 1… and 2 days later I had the next one outlined.

This one only took 20 years of planning and a 5 month pandemic to finish.

The devil is in the details!

I have doubts.

I struggle with the potential failures of parenting…

When I raise my voice I feel guilt.

When I criticize I feel shame.

I never slap or hit.

I don’t ever want that feeling or that look coming my way…

“I love you Daddy.”

Makes most of the negative go away.

i agreed to 3 kittens against better judgment because she didn’t want to break up a family and I couldn’t say no to her and they are driving me around the bend so with no one to blame but myself I digress and these are the tests where love is judged i tell me…

Dennis Mantin

I remember a time…

When the earth revolved around

My thoughts:

In vast spaces where stars and blackness collided like the rest of us with God.

Better to teach children about boundaries early on… rather than later, looking through plexiglass, asking for canteen money.

Dennis Mantin

It’s quiet here now.

The boys of summer have wrapped up the party and are moving with more silence it seems.

I am tired all the time. She is like her kittens: Bursting with energy until exhaustion turns to collapse.

Winter is coming and I am satisfied with all that’s transpired.

The days are short. The nights are cool.

The leaves are falling now.

I am waiting for her school day to be over.

Winds and light rain and time are the driving forces here.

I am powerless to stop any of this and unwilling to protest.

I will just watch in awe for the changes to come.

Our way got lost at destination.

Nothing new on old plantation.

Sign post reads closed hesitation.

A losing hand no win situation.

We tried, you cried,you found salvation.

You read the leaves at Tribulation.

Smile now waving salutation.

Mark arrived and said, ” The debate happens tonight.” Before adding… “The Lightning won the cup.”

It’s a true gift to be too busy to know what’s going on in the world right now. Not to mention the sleeps!

Pure unconcious/deep end of the pool/REM dream induced sleep.

I dreamed about Jen and Rudy which I don’t know if I have ever done before.

And I spoke with you.

You were smiling and kind and I knew… it was a trick and I walked away.

To this world and this day and the debates.

It’s all close now.

Do you know how?

When you believe what you believe.

You do no wrong.

You sing that song.

When you believe what you believe.

Deep down its a lie.

In the dark do you cry?

When you believe what you believe.

Anyone show you to let go?

Or learn to say, ‘I don’t know?’

When you believe what you believe.

So sure, so set, so circumspect.

You have contempt and lack respect.

When you believe what you believe.

It’s so long and it’s goodbye.

Cannot say I didn’t try.

You believe what you believe.