In my youth I used to think I had many friends. How I needed that!

All of that has faded over time and distance…

I can’t say for sure that I had any friends.

I was needy for friendship because of lacking family.

Requiring something from them for me. I am not so needy anymore.

Experiencing both spectrums I see the importance of family.

Without family, you look elsewhere until you can figure things out.

The relationships I have now are without desperation and feel solid.

I am so grateful for both opportunities in spite of the growing pains.

Man is the danger.

Tis abundant and clear.

So much to study.

From atoms to fear.

The clergy has spoken.

And Psychiatry too.

There’s a hymn in the shadows.

That’s been hummed by so few.

I tried to be worthy.

I gave it my all.

All beauty and curvy.

You laughed and stood tall.

It hurts to be honest.

But I’ve given up hope.

That slide is so Slippery.

Unforgiving that slope.

It’s clear and it’s Thursday.

Feeling good, it won’t last.

It is all coming up roses.

I’m at peace with the past.

The Failure of the narcissistic all knowing, self loving brain that gets its information from visions and dreams whose source can only be the all knowing Devine; and of course THEY are the only one who are enlightened enough to see it…

Is that they drive the rest of us to tears with their all knowing delusional advice.

I hear them…

Usually before I see them.

Trumpeting their imminent arrival.

Nothing new for I can still recall…

Me doing the same.

Before realizing that even a fool can appear wise in silence.

Sigmund wrote, ‘One day in retrospect, the years of struggle will strike you as the most beautiful. ‘

There it is the truth!

I don’t agree with everything Sigmund shared, however this is bullseye!

How I love to complain and share my misery to only later brag about how much strife I have endured and somehow miraculously still the ‘Great I Am’ lives to tell the tale!

Now thanks to Sigmund I now have awareness and know that this trait I share with most humanity can be tempered with some restraint.

So tired I don’t know whether to scream or cry so I say nothing positive just complain to such an extent that even I know in the middle of my rant that this will be followed by an apology which will be forgiven because we truly do love and care and then I will sleep unconcious going somewhere nowhere really and then awaken shower and dress and go to work again for the 6th day this week…

I stood beside you waiting for a sign… You turned inside yourself refusing… Me, I have this thing about trust and…

There it is! Trust broken. Wait is over.

I have zero desire to be so kind that this generosity will leave me wounded or destroyed.

I say this because I do see this opportunity arise often in my dealings with humanity.

However I have this desire for truth and sometimes I find the courage for such risks.

Albert Camus said, “After awhile, we can get used to anything. “

He also wrote, “Mother died today.”

I wonder if he got used to that. It took me awhile…

However I must concur with The Outsider.