I have been here for 7 years now and have forgotten what it’s like to be in a better neighborhood.

Yesterday I had lunch on a patio in Yorkville overlooking Yorkville Avenue and all I saw was happy well dressed even tempered responsible adults some with well behaved children… It was awesome! I had forgotten what it was like…

Might be time to move

A long time ago I could fall in love with a glance.

Neediness was the addiction…

Beauty the drug…

Zero self awareness; The problem.

I have moved past this hurtle with time into a more realist point of view which to me seems quite psychopathic when compared to my previous romantic leanings…

Change is good!

Ah!

It is peaceful here.

The driver and the radio are quiet.

We are on our way to our favorite restaurant which has managed to stay open.

We were at the pool earlier and everything is pointing towards the hopeful conclusion of this pandemic.

The Teacher said, “Today you must face fear…”

The Child asked, “How will I recognize fear?

The Teacher replied, “You will recognize fear because it talks very loud and very fast.”

The Child responded, “So I should remain quiet?”

“Or just say No!”

*

I learned over time to be the Quiet One.

I live in an urban neighborhood where there’s a street level crime base and here I’m known as the Big guy with the little girl.

The whispers are, ‘The quiet ones are the dangerous ones. ‘

I leave them alone believing their mythologies… and they leave us alone.

Something is hidden…

Deep in the abyss of the past.

A truth long forgotten.

In need of rediscovery.

Something separated…

From the Power Seekers and Greed.

Something lost with the Ancients.

Something Wise and Holy.

She said, “I dreamt I was Spider-Man and I had a black suit which allowed me to transform into any animal that I wanted… My head was like a wolf!”

I’ve never had a dream like this in my life… full of confidence, control and hope!

I asked her if she was happy. She said she is pretty good!

I think she’s in a good place.

Close calls hang with me…

Moments where I lost awareness for whatever reasons and like yesterday driving between 2 transport trucks and one decides to change lanes for no apparent reason…

Close calls and almost accidents are a real wake the fu@# up!

Wonder how long this will take to wear off into the ether of time and life before it becomes a vague meaningless distant unconcious moment?

We did it! Success! Take an atagirl out of petty cash. Well done my love ! I am so proud of your efforts 👏

A live in Nanny for 9 months! Thank you M.C. So appreciated!

Thank you God!

Greatest year under stressful trying circumstances!

I was raised by women so I am more familiar with toxic femininity as a character fault… However there’s little doubt in my mind  that both exist.

Maybe Toxic Femininity just needs a better press agent… Shall we begin?

I was saved from growing up with the influence of ‘Toxic Masculinity’ by a mother who, God bless her; was not adverse to using physical violence to emphasize a point.

After Mom died of cancer, my step mother for the next 2 years essentially kept me a prisoner in a bedroom when I wasn’t in school which taught me imprisonment is not fun.

My half-sister was given a shot at me from ages 13-15 and without going into to many details… she failed in the parental opportunity bestowed upon her.

My experience has been that Toxic Masculinity and Toxic Femininity are the same thing… an abuse of misguided power or a lack of common decency when one person has power over another.

When I became a parent I decided that a successful approach to building a healthy relationship with someone over which I have power, mainly because I’m bigger than they are… is to build trust. I read that in a book called, ‘Every- day Blessings.’

The following I read this morning on a bathroom wall at my local Cafe.

Dennis Mantin