I was a boy when people asked me…

“What do you want to be when you grow up?”

‘Unafraid.’ I thought.

“I don’t know.” I answered.

I just wanted people to stop hitting me. I just didn’t want to be afraid all the time.

I grew tall and people asked me.

“Why are you so angry?”

“Why do you drink so much?”

“I don’t know. ” I lied.

I am 58 years old and I am a father and I know what I want. To teach her and show her love and support her and be her friend… and paint and make films.

“I will tell story.”

Said I.

Dennis Mantin

A rich man drives a taxi.

A poor man drives a Ford.

But my old man

Goes down the street

With four wheels on a board.

MARGARET MANTIN

There is a heart shaped carve in rosewood.
There’s a line drawn in the sand.
I pray there on grace and wonder,
and there’s a baby, she’s in my hand.

There’s a virtue called forgiveness.
From a force we can’t see.
It’s how I deal with darkness.
Of how I feel when you’re with me.

I struggle now to hear you.
Seek approval in your eyes.
I hate you for your beauty.
Like I love you for your lies.

It’s a sad sad situation
Department sad but true.
You fear that they are coming
And you fear what they will do.

It’s a sad sad situation
Under heading sad but true
You fear that they are coming
No one is coming for you.

Dennis Mantin

The sentence was death by boredom. The virus spread the earth.

Madness rained down upon them.Like some monsters giving birth.

They handed out free money. The kind that makes you soft.

And nearly jumped out their skin. When someone smiled and coughed.

Then Dylan put out an album. With a song called Murder Most Foul.

That sounds as disgusted as I feel. Like the purging of a bowel.

I’ve learned to take the blessings and take them as they come.

He is at another level, a bit too much for some.

Having thoughts lots about dying.

And other things that I don’t know.

Its not the fear that’s got me down.

Just that I don’t want to go.

Now sure I know I have no choice.

Has been made abundant and clear.

This transformation is all the rage.

I just kinda like it here.

I hear all this complaining.

What’s wrong about this and that.

You never really stood a chance.

With an attitude like that.

It is drama in the kitchen.

Exaggeration on the phone.

Silence in the bedroom.

Until we are all alone.

It is drama all this bitchin.

Humiliation… no atone.

Beauty is just skin deep.

And Ugly goes to the bone.

I recognized my nature.

Not much was steeped in good.

There was this strange sensation.

Like maybe I just should.

Forget it all and start a new.

Take the narrow view to wide.

Take my head out from my ass.

And maybe look outside.

Not all is gain or glory.

Not all is pain and strife.

The road the path the choices made.

It’s a wild ride this life.

It happened at a party, the day after her 50th birthday…

They did have a celebration the night before for such an important milestone, however clearly not Grand Enough!

Her mother and sister were there laughing and dancing the following night, oblivious to the rage their joy and fun were causing.

No one could have known that the smiling woman at the round table who chose to sit with old childhood friends instead of her own family, was raging inside, that her mother and sister had such a wonderful happy loving relationship and that she was not part of that.

One of the most overlooked triggers in people who are miserable is the horror to be discluded. To be separated from; to not be included at the party.

Oh the hell there was and is to pay. They would know what wrath has brought!

Days later she was filling out a report at the police station, citing murderous intent. There must be justice! A warning of the danger to her and her daughter. Her daughter was not to be in the presence of her grandmother.

The fallout from this event has been nothing short of a tragedy.

A mother and daughter who have not spoken in 3 years.

A Sister who feels that she doesn’t have a Sister.

A father who said, “I am not saying my daughter is not welcome in my home however, whenever she is there; I won’t be.”

A child physically and mentally abused.

A mother losing custody of her child.

$100,000.00 in court costs!

A child who has not seen her mother in a year and a half.

False accusations of abuse.

All because of siblings jealousy over a mother’s supposed rejection.

And not a fucking scintilla of accountability for all the harm caused.

The bad luck raised suspicions, on a path that was beat down.

No one dared to look within or see the wise men in the town.

It was happening for eons, as long as Grandad could recall.

Like a dark foreboding plank walk or a dream in which you fall.

Until the child spoke her words that, “Maybe somethings wrong with me?”

So we made a meeting with the Doc, down at Family Psychiatry.

The doctor raised awareness and we all took a look.

Things are looking so good now, might take Grandma off the hook.

Now life is far from perfect however the family’s not so sad.

Looking in the mirror, not blaming blind luck, good or bad.

I took a 2 year break from Facebook and returned this week.

Immediately someone informs me that I won a $1,000,000.00 and eventually tells me that I would need to send them $300.00 before I received my winnings.

As a point of fact, I did not receive one scam offer in the 2 years I was away from Facebook.

On the positive side, I did however get to communicate with some cousins I hadn’t heard from in a while…

And I am getting contacted by a large number of 30 something women who are looking for relationships. The fact that I’m 63 and this is not deterring them in the least indicates to me that something is seriously wrong out there!

Might hang out here for a bit.