It’s about 10 years ago that I told him:

“I don’t care what you do, but get a job.”

His eyes glassed over and I could tell I was close to losing him back to addiction…

” I don’t care what you do! I don’t care if you separate pepper from fly shit with boxing gloves on… Just get a fucking job. ”

He laughed and came back.

Today I called and he texted back that he was working. A lawyer.

Big Shot.

Dennis Mantin

I have lived with hate and released that pure power on an unsuspecting pond of unawareness…

I have felt love with no plan in place of how to deal with such an overwhelming wave of power and pain.

I have lived in light and darkness and long for nothing except more.

Dennis Mantin

Carmen Carmella…

Used to be a fella:

Until she cut it all off.

Now Carmella Carmalina…

Is a happy ballerina.

She loves the stage: Don’t scoff!

Dennis Mantin

I was 50 years in exile: Or was it 49? A crime was faking innocence and stepping out of line…

They said I was a lone wolf who thought outside the box. They kicked me out the henhouse… And promptly changed the locks.

I said, ” What about my sisters? ” They pretended not to hear. And stared off in the distance… Where the boundaries aren’t so clear.

We don’t look any older unless you stare to long and 50 years in exile is now fading in a song.

Dennis Mantin

She had a fear of flying… Liked tattoos and black clothes. She liked to travel to far away lands, while staring at her toes.I once tried to help her… I swear to you I did. But I arrived much to late. She was damaged as a kid.It had to do with Mama. It had to do with rage. It has to do with little girls. And how they share the stage.Dennis Mantin

My efforts are showing results: I have 2 older half sisters Joyce I haven’t seen since I was 11 and Peggy Anne I haven’t spoken to in 15 years.

Both contacted me on the same day, 9 hours apart: and they aren’t in contact with one another. May 31st 2019… a great day for me.

The journey continues…

Dennis Mantin

Ernistine said that I taught her how to tread water…

My Zylia asked what treading water means and Ernistine smiled warmly and delivered a teachers explanation.

I was surprised that I had been that kind.

However I saw it in her face and the truth was there and always truly was there waiting to be heard. All that was required was to visit.

Seeing for the first time just how lovely she truly is. I am shocked at how I never saw this before. Perhaps I did and forgot…

Yes that’s it! It must be.

A portal of gentle and good.

It’s wonderful to be remembered in such hues when you think of yourself as so much less.

Thank you Ernistine for this and everything else you’ve given me and my family…

Treading water seems like such a worthy return.

I quote Rod McCuen… “How tall we are, we’ve learned so much. Everything it seems but how to stay in touch.”

Dennis Mantin

A bird sat for minutes on the window sill, looking into the house.Gloria said that it was a good omen…A bad omen is if the bird hits the window.I suggested especially for the bird.Dennis Mantin

Mabel has a file with my name on it: LADDIE… That’s what my mother called me because she couldn’t bare to say my father’s name.What Love! What caring to sit me down and share.

Dennis Mantin

Saturday morning rain and no sun in sight.

I asked for plans in the afternoon and she said, ” If its shiny we’ll be all right.”

Dennis Mantin