When I was a teenager…

I thought I had so many friends.

Not one of those people are a part of my life now on a daily, weekly or monthly basis.

Either I was overestimating friendship when I was young or I am really unlucky… I think humans in general might overestimate friendship in their youth.

I am proud to say that my best friend now is my daughter.

Dennis Mantin

I heard you want it all…

And that you want me dead.

Something about soon and painful.

There’s that monster that’s been fed.

You kept him fed and watered.

In the shadows where you grew.

Not where I kept the library.

Of the things you never knew.

It is sudden these departures.

When those things are in the past.

It’s a cold and distant thunder.

When you hate what couldn’t last.

The arrangement was made. Clear mind… sober breath.

The papers were drawn, with stipulations upon death.

Your eyes are wide open, and no doors have been closed.

I watched your calculation, and shrugged an, ‘I suppose.’

The arrangement has bored you, I see in your eyes.

And your voice is all critical while you are voicing your lies.

It’s not a new story, it’s the tale of time and man.

But I know why there’s lawyers, to have proof of the plan.

Nothing from the ordinary.

Nothing much does change.

Alexi’s off his meds again.

And we all feel a little strange.

The neighborhood’s gone quiet.

They’re all feeling some relief.

Alexi’s off his meds again.

And attacked and hit the Chief.

It’s not I didn’t have a choice.

Sometimes players have to play.

Alexi’s off his meds again.

And they have taken him away.

Seldom do I reflect on what it must have been like for the others… when I was a drunk.

Not that there isn’t a certain entertainment value there… no, I am certain of that possibility!

Probably somewhere between amusement/bewildering/confusion is how I suspect it must have looked.

The depressing self-pity being masked with bouts of delusional boasting about unfulfilled accomplishments followed by 3 day long hang-overs…

The accomplishment was survival and no doubt why I love reading anything by Bukowski.

My need for speed has passed silently like a fart through the sands of time… No great pronouncements were made: Just a gradual changing of priorities where chaos, drama and adrenaline are not the desired items on the menu. Thank God for the small mercies!

I’d been searching for the answers… When finally she came along.

Preforming miracles, curing cancers. Giving music to the song.

She taught and gave directions. Even when I didn’t ask.

She let me know my fortune. In her sunshine I could bask.

She showed me my misfortunes. And how little I evolved.

I felt criminally unworthy, so I left her. Mystery solved.

I have awoken early, and there’s no going back.

Dreams and worries all behind. The sky is moonlit black.

God is still in heaven and I am still in bed.

I feel this need of silence refrain as too much has been said.

Though we will keep on talking, Cause that is what we do.

Maybe I will see you there, when the skies are soft and blue.

The calm before the storm.

And cold replaced with warm.

And hope, blessed hope springs eternal.

There’s a lightness in the air.

Bright lovely smiles everywhere.

And hope, blessed hope springs eternal.

I’ll not hold my breath.

I’ll choose life at death.

And hope, blessed hope springs eternal.

I grew up around people who were not only never late; they were also always early to everything they ever attended…Often, painfully so.

I work in an industry for 25 years now where I was told on the first day there are only 2 rules: The first rule is never be late and the second rule is never be late…

I have learned over time that not everyone has my sense of being on time  and it would be best for my overall well-being to get used to that…