Waiting…

Standing by

Always Waiting.

Years go by.

Forever waiting.

It is what I do.

All this waiting.

But not for you.

Dennis Mantin

It took awhile getting used to being alone… I was young with a mind that raced with far to many questions and an over abundance of fears.

I long for the solitude now and the quiet to be able read or paint or even go for a massage depending on the mood.

I have found in general people to be far to troublesome and noisy to be worth the time… however; every now and then, someone comes along and makes me laugh and just for the briefest of moments I forget most of my negative views on humanity…

I used to smoke cigarettes, breathe that Bad Stale Air.

I used to do a lot of things with no pride and little care.

It’s part of life regardless, been through what I learned.

Those mistakes I don’t dwell on, saw many shadows burned.

It may have looked confusing however please no good to dwell.

There is value in remember but the seeds of shame don’t sell.

Don’t know where I’m going but this life it has been real.

Even when I don’t recall, where I made my way by feel.

Dennis Mantin

Every now and then, under the perfect conditions of dim warm lighting, a certain so-and-so will come along and shatter any sense of trust we might have.

I have come to realize that these individuals are truly special Gift Givers.

They show us despite our naive notions about the good in humanity, that the vast majority of people are too selfish to be trustworthy.

This is not a bad thing. This is what we are. It Takes great Effort and Awareness to be anything else. Perhaps this is why there’s so many narrow paths called the road less traveled.

I recognized early that her meanness towards us had nothing to do with me… I saw quite clearly that she was not at all happy with herself.

In the end it didn’t matter as beauty maybe only skin deep; however ugliness goes to the bone.

I no longer wish for things.

Such frivolity has passed.

It is I fear the bane of youth.

That in life and time won’t last.

That is if we’re being honest.

Accepting fully that, as is.

She can keep it if she wants.

And he can have what’s his.

The rains have left for sunshine.

It is cool for late in May.

Her voice it rings in my head.

Like it did all yesterday.

Some days are better than others.

Some nights are cool and still.

And if I had my druthers.

There’d be peace amidst tranquil.

In my heart of hearts, I spent much of my formative years in fear of others… Paralyzing soul gripping fear of mind and body.

I faced what I was afraid of and there has been a transformation in which these fears have been somewhat quelled.

When I became a father I turned into this person who was much like those I feared earlier; someone who would do anything to protect who I loved…

Why couldn’t I feel that way about myself?

Why would I not have enough self love to feel that passionate about protecting myself?

And finally… Is this the quality (Self Love) that these people processed that I feared long ago?

I left them in the valley.

They didn’t move away.

They would live and some did die there.

I knew I couldn’t stay.

It’s sometimes just a feeling.

Not unlike you don’t belong.

Nothing that needs put into words.

Like a tune you hum along.

Now I’m older and I miss them.

Some will pick up when I call.

When we learn what is important.

If we dare to stand that tall.

I spoke with Gloria yesterday and her youngest brother Hampton died this month. He lived and is buried in Margaree Forks Cape Breton.

Hampton was one of my childhood heroes mainly due to the fact he was always laughing at what others would scold me for… he drove a VW Beetle Bug and I pulled the emergency brake while we were driving from Margaree one winter; which sent his car into a spin. I can still hear him laughing when he told his family about it. I was 3 and this is one of my earliest memories.

His father Poppy died the same year as my mother when I was 11…

They were all my heroes!