When I was a boy I was afraid to fight or hit anyone… 

I didn’t know how. 

I used to think about it… but could never see past the reaction of the first strike. Anger or laughter seemed both unbearable consequences. 

I don’t know when things changed,  but they did. It might have been around the time I overheard a stranger talking about raping my mother.  I put a shotgun in his face and said goodbye. I was maybe 8.

If I can arrive at the savagery around self protection that I get to when harm is being offered to those I love then that would be adequate. Awareness is the first step. Maybe this is what is meant by high self esteem. 

Dennis Mantin