Winter is broken here…

The air is warm now.

People are shedding wool and jackets and blankets and sleeping bags.

Winter is not all that’s broken here…

I walk on the shady side still because I like the cool. On the streetcar, a man already seated says,

“I wouldn’t sit there. Someone pissed on the floor; I think.”

I responded, “I guess the TTC needs to be installing toilets now?”

“It’s tough times…”

“Indeed.”

I pick up my fruit at the local market and get back on the streetcar. Someone verbally attacks someone getting on the car; someone else goes face to face bumming change. More harsh refusals.

Yesterday at the drugstore someone yelled my way, “You have money to shop, but you don’t have money to help the homeless?

Am I missing something?

They get lost in the city…

You see them mumbling; usually to themselves. They have lost everyone. None are left to listen to the complaints! The lost are the lonely…

The despair is written in the lines of their faces. Their addiction is in their voices. “Can ya spare some change?”

My guess is that they didn’t fit in where they came from either. Driven from the nest by the stronger siblings.

So seldom do they hear any words of encouragement. Maybe never…

She said, “You are very rude!”

Her response seemed unusually emotional. I suspected something else was going on… something closer to home. My questions and answers triggered her!

I didn’t care, which was rude. Honesty is not a welcomed attribute, I am finding. I am pretty much shutting down conversations and communications that aren’t about the weather.

I used to criticize the older ones for only talking about the weather. Now I get it!

I have resigned.

Zero control.

I am powerless.

What will be will be.

Taking in the view and enjoying myself.

The art of relaxation.

Fuck it!

She said she took the measure. But it came a little short.

It sounded much like confidence. Without the backing or support.

You know I had the warning. It was right there on my tongue.

But she wasn’t much on listening. So, no words were spoke or sung.

I was in the mood for silence . You could say all words were moot.

And she had that look in her eyes. If she had a gun, she’d shoot.

Sometimes, it’s just easier to turn and walk away.

To be the bigger person and get to live another day.

They said if I stared long enough into that haunting dark abyss.

That I could break the darkness and see light, I couldn’t miss.

You see, I have this peace of mind, and when I close my eyes.

I’ve made friends with the darkness; to my horror and surprise!

My mother told me repeatedly that if I didn’t have anything good to say about someone, then it’s best to say nothing.

This is also the same person who said about a couple that she didn’t particularly like: “It’s a good thing they married each other… because it would be a shame to ruin 2 homes with them!”

I’ve been looking at the world we have.

And I’ve got this peace of mind.

Except when I am seeing you.

There’s no peace for me to find.

It’s all the drama and confusion.

I think it’s best that I’m alone.

If all consciousness is illusion.

I’ll stick to writing on my phone.

There’s no need for conversation.

I’ll just smile, sometimes wave.

All the memories are salvation.

They’ll be some I’ll even save.

The rain fell down for hours.

The gloom it rose for days.

My dreams were from another time.

When we were parting ways.

To be stubborn is so human.

I can see it in the kid.

I see it more in you than me.

But I know what we both did.

You see, I found forgiveness.

I left you in that room.

I was dealing here with living.

You were wallowing in doom.