I feel something built up; rising from somewhere ancient deep and a part of me nods and smiles:

“There you are! My old friend Rage… How ya been?”

I let him out and I spout some frothy nonsense until even I think.

‘Yeah right”

My apologies are genuine and fast! I’ve been down this road and have become resigned to the possibility that I may never find the ability to shut up when I am emotionally charged and challenged.

Jason sits at Queen at Jameson, his head bowed slightly taking stock of the trinkets that sit on the sidewalk beside him. He’s been here for decades now.

You usually hear him throat scream before you see him and most that hear that pain walk around him to avoid what ever it is that Jason offers.

The trinkets and toys are from a child long gone or grown… I can’t be sure except this was Jason’s child when he was younger and living on the east coast.

Whenever I think I’m having a bad day or that the lawyer bills for my child’s custody and safety are too much… it’s Jason who provides me with perspectives.

I have watched you in your pain and I’ve listened to you in your assuredness and I have wondered how did your mind get so certain?

It isn’t that you’re always wrong, no. It’s that you’re so certain that you’re always right and never wrong that’s I find interesting.

Where I knew for certain of the dilemma you find yourself in… was the time you responded to my claim that my daughter was my best friend.

You snapped with vitriol.

“You can’t be friends with your children.”

I responded, ” It is sad for you that this was your experience.

No doubt with me, it was here that you developed this lonely certainty you cling to so tightly.

It’s not wrong to feel sorry.

It’s not right to enjoy the fall.

You just need to row your own dory.

So sorry you can’t have it all.

I guess I could say I got what I came for.

Guess you could say she got what she needs.

It means sometimes the bad guys score.

It means sometimes the monster feeds.

Oh hell now don’t look so broken hearted.

Not done for you, you just faced your fears.

Win lose or draw you finish what you started.

If it makes you happy then shed some tears.

I gave you my attention, now I take that away.

It’s not in the cards and there’s nothing to say.

It’s cruel and its cold with no dress rehearse.

The words are all stolen, nothing even to curse.

You’ve won and it’s over and memories do fade.

The voices are empty and the music’s been played.

We were surrounded by warriors and artists not knowing this is where the safety came from.

The storms came with cold air and fierce winds and we settled in to listen to their myths of distant shores.

This is where my mind goes now to that long ago space I couldn’t leave quickly enough to find of what they spoke, and now I know it was only in their hearts and dreams.

I am going back there soon to stay with them into eternity.

I view pet ownership in the same way I view relationships… I want nothing to do with either.

I have this version of my life that happens in my imagination that’s far from reality and a pipe dream at best.

My daughter lives with me full time, which is great for me however, she wants kittens and ferrets and dogs and I am tired of this conversation and bending and breaking, and I love her, I am doing once again what I don’t want to do…

A rhetorical question. Are all relationships like this? Yes I think to some degree they are.

She said that Canada 🇨🇦 is a tricky land. Filled with tricksters and dishonest types.

“Filled?”

I am sometimes unsure if my questions take audible flight or if they remain stuck in my head behind an expression of suspended disbelief…

She continued. “Abusive people who stole the land from the aboriginals.”

I was reminded of a sentence in ‘Heart of Darkness’ “They were conquerors. Not much to brag about really when everything you have has been stolen from the weakness of others.”

“Yes… this is our collective human history. Don’t stare too long into that abyss; for you may become the monster my dear.”

We were dreaming of a future.

Where something better came along.

When we could guide the children.

Where we could be that strong.

We were dreaming of a future.

And the future it is here.

And we are all so happy now.

There was so much crap to clear.

We were up against those forces.

In a post Thanos multiverse.

All the heroes, they now know.

To carry makeup in their purse.

Now that that’s been settled.

No more God or faith no more.

Our leaders are busy leading.

No more questions or out the door.

I have reached a point in life where I value my opinion above most others.

In any large decision I ask 3 people there opinion before I act.

If I am asking you for your opinion understand I respect you.