I was tired when I woke up.

I guess now that’s just the norm.

I was up to something different.

When I found shelter from the storm.

Time is fleeting, not illusions.

On my face, you see the strain.

Where once were lines of laughter.

Are now harder to explain.

They didn’t like the world.

Said they wanted change.

Said that I was busy.

But not too busy to arrange.

First, you take the language.

You turn it upside down.

When they get all silent.

You take the King and smash the crown.

Don’t you worry about the churches.

Cause you sent them all away .

Internets gone viral.

At that alter, you can pray.

All the brothers now are sisters.

And the sisters, they don’t lie.

And we are all so happy now.

Do not complain, or don’t you cry.

There’s a mystery and a memory.

And a past that seems so cold.

It’s a playground in the sunshine.

And the young they seem so old.

“Jesus wept, and well, he might!”

I used to hear that intermittently when I was growing up from some exasperated human or poor soul no longer with us…

How they suffered with my youthful ignorance…

I see the others and their painful separations from family and marriage, and I see myself and my desire to be alone because in solitude is the only place I don’t feel criticized…

Mad Willie is in Miami, and he tells me that his children blame him and our generation for everything gone wrong in this world and that I am just going to have to learn how to smile and say nothing…

I have never had a successful relationship with anyone anywhere. I feel so very human and average in this regard…

Really, though, how does one measure success in the relationship realms?

I thought the world gone crazy. Inner voice said I was wrong.

I sometimes try to listen. Sometimes I try to be that strong.

‘There’s a movement without leaders. They want what they can’t be.

They use the web and ignorance. No sense that they can see.

Some people just love danger. Like the Joker, they do yearn…

To take away the beauty, and see how the world will burn.

They said if I stared long enough into that haunting dark abyss.

That I could break the darkness and see light, I couldn’t miss.

You see, I have this peace of mind, and when I close my eyes.

I’ve made friends with the darkness; to my horror and surprise!

It’s payday at the Gulag… There are smiles raining down.

The dealers here, peddling dreams. Anticipation is all the sound.

It’s chaos until midnight. When Cinderella hears a moan.

She was in the Masters dark room, where she thought they were alone.

It’s over like it started. Alarm clocks ring at dawn.

We move like it’s all over… It’s just the money that’s all gone.

She had a voice like mother… with a low sweet cadence drawl.

The kind that makes one shudder like a noose before the fall.

I searched for strength to hold back. I didn’t know how or what.

She caught me in that moment where I tried and failed to shut.

I wasn’t sure her motive, however I felt that it was planned.

I lost my will to say goodbye and then I lost my will to stand.

I left things as they started, all bright eyed and confused.

I left alone with my life more black and blue than bruised.

Winter is broken here…

The air is warm now.

People are shedding wool and jackets and blankets and sleeping bags.

Winter is not all that’s broken here…

I walk on the shady side still because I like the cool. On the streetcar, a man already seated says,

“I wouldn’t sit there. Someone pissed on the floor; I think.”

I responded, “I guess the TTC needs to be installing toilets now?”

“It’s tough times…”

“Indeed.”

I pick up my fruit at the local market and get back on the streetcar. Someone verbally attacks someone getting on the car; someone else goes face to face bumming change. More harsh refusals.

Yesterday at the drugstore someone yelled my way, “You have money to shop, but you don’t have money to help the homeless?

Am I missing something?