Another trip around the sun.

Happy Birthday feels like lottery won.

No looking back, no worries son.

I’ve learned to walk, I used to run.

There was hope last night in the valley. It sure did feel like rain.

She said, “We are in no hurry… ” I said, “There’s no need to explain.”

I was alone before, not lonely… Said, “Peace of mind is hard to find.”

Her eyes just drifted past me. A silent stare said, ‘ Now you never mind.’

“You’re new here to the valley? ” Her smile said she knew.

I often count my blessings the way that lovers sometimes do.

I sometimes think about her… Her touch, her smile kind.

She said, “You can find me in the valley. If you’re ever in a bind.”

I don’t know if I have ever been loved. However I have felt trust and been trusted.

I know which I value more.

The whisperer said:

Always go to far for there you will find the truth.

The truth can be hard day and a lonely night.

I replied.

The optimist says she’s healing.

The pessimist says she’s sick.

It’s all the same sick feeling.

A mind over matter parlor trick.

Needlessly I used to worry.

I used to complain about a boring quiet uneventful life.

Then I had a child with someone who is mentally ill.

Now I have reasons to worry!

My daughter and I have been living together for 100 days now and I am feeling blessed.

I became a parent by choice and wanted exactly what I am now experiencing. Active participation in my child’s development.

It is what I have strived to do.

Thank you God!

In treatment centers and Alcohol Anonymous meetings the PINK CLOUD refers to a phenomenon of complete and absolute bliss which occurs after a period of prolonged sobriety, where the individual feeling high on brain endorphins, and is convinced that all in the world is wonderful and beautiful.

If you are fortunate enough to meet and begin in a relationship with an individual who unbeknownst to themselves that they are experiencing this pink cloud; then little will prepare you for the pleasure and high that such a union will bring. Your jokes will never be funnier and the sex will never be better.

But beyond the pink cloud; when the truth and fierce pain and lack of joy returns. This is the place where one realizes that the going up might not be worth the coming down.

I am told that someday I will know why this happened…

I don’t need to know why.

It’s only money.

What I know is that the sun will rise and gravity works and my efforts have bought me time with my daughter that no one can ever take away and that for me is priceless.

There is no one that I would sooner be with and no one I will protect more. This is my mission.