Often

In my youth

I found myself

Falling and following

The Allure of Dangerous Minds

Never once did this work for my benefits

Time has done her humbled job…

Providing seeking understanding

I avoid the dangerous ones now

I seek a kinder softer touch

They play at the edges

With young writers

Learning

Woe

“The world is a wonderful place… it’s just filled with cunts and the internet is to blame.”

Once you escape.

Create a safe distance.

Enter therapy!

Heal…

And try again.

If fortune shines your way.

You find someone who is kind and loving. 

Only then  will you realize that a younger version of you made that choice.

I risked losing her.

For Pride.

Then I came to my senses for maybe the first time…

I grew up being a bastard. I’ll always be a bastard at the core. I might get farther. Maybe not. However, I will always have the bastard foundation.

I am not going to mix with Royals or Aristocrats or High Status individuals. Really, why would I? Why should anyone really?

The benefits of being a bastard arrive later in life. Long after, they’ve exposed their souls. Long after, they’ve stopped speaking freely around me as if I was invisible or didn’t exist.

No, I will not lose you, Lê. You be free to be you. I will accept you for all you are. It is a joy and a privilege to be around such freedom!

Breathing fumes down at the gas plant.

He smiled, “You can graduate to shift.”

I paused and said, “No, I just can’t.”

Then, down that road, I drift.

There is something in not knowing.

That beats the pain of 2 small pairs.

Seems I’m coming now or going.

There’s no one left who cares.

The bright lights they sure is pretty.

In the night they show there’s more.

Another train, a plane, new city.

In the distance, is why what for.

I don’t need your Shaman Healers.

Just some meaning to the light

Left the table and all the dealers.

Choose the day and sleep the night.

We dined on tea and oranges.

On the sand down by the sea.

There were possible storm warnings.

That escaped both you and me.

The dingy left the harbor.

The sail snapped by noon.

The winds grew dark and heavy.

Under far too soon, typhoon.

They’ll be no more tea and oranges.

Or walks down at the park.

The dreamers dream is heavy now.

And faint hopes are growing dark.

The voices they were moving.

On the water and in the air.

In her head was far from soothing.

And your name was everywhere.

She was holding onto sanity.

By a needle and a thread.

Her thoughts? Not worth a mention.

Except some mumbled words were said.

Something  happened somewhere.

Was a child, and then she grew.

Lived in the pain of “that’s not fair.”

Then she set her eyes on you.

In the gravity of her attention.

You were savior on white horse.

For her, not worth a mention.

You just failed… of course. Of course.

All those tears, ‘not worth a mention.’

Because you know she has to cry.

Now that I have your full attention…

You can stay or wave bye-bye.

“Jesus wept, and well, he might!”

I used to hear that intermittently when I was growing up from some exasperated human or poor soul no longer with us…

How they suffered with my youthful ignorance…

I see the others and their painful separations from family and marriage, and I see myself and my desire to be alone because in solitude is the only place I don’t feel criticized…

Mad Willie is in Miami, and he tells me that his children blame him and our generation for everything gone wrong in this world and that I am just going to have to learn how to smile and say nothing…

I have never had a successful relationship with anyone anywhere. I feel so very human and average in this regard…

Really, though, how does one measure success in the relationship realms?

I see something sinking here.

Drifting… gone away.

Sinking to that bottom there.

No more light of  day…

Lately, I’ve been drinking here.

I’ve had so much to say.

There’s been all this thinking there.

I have to turn to look away.

It’s just these dreams. That I’m thinking of.

Oh, it’s not what it seems. I don’t believe in love.

Standing here at skies edge there.

With nothing but today.

Walking there on that ledge here.

Don’t you look the other way!!

Some days I just get things right here.

When I hear the  song you play.

Moves me to where I can see you there.

And not look the other way.

You move me… You do.

You move me, you do.

Its just those dreams, that I’m thinking of.

Oh, it’s not what it seems. I don’t believe in love.