I was a boy when people asked me…

“What do you want to be when you grow up?”

‘Unafraid.’ I thought.

“I don’t know.” I answered.

I just wanted people to stop hitting me. I just didn’t want to be afraid all the time.

I grew tall and people asked me.

“Why are you so angry?”

“Why do you drink so much?”

“I don’t know. ” I lied.

I am 58 years old and I am a father and I know what I want. To teach her and show her love and support her and be her friend… and paint and make films.

“I will tell story.”

Said I.

Dennis Mantin

That feeling of life slipping away…

Through fingers of time has somehow escaped me.

I don’t know why, however I do know it burdens you.

I see it in the lines of your face and feel it in the chill of your touch.

You feel as though life is a trap; no matter how many times I tell you no!

It is a gateway and what you do here matters.

He told the joke that made you laugh. 

And creased your forehead like a path.

I took to silence in my smile.

You looked inside. It took a while.

I sometimes thought what it could take.

To slightly stir or violent shake.

I listened hard the words he spoke.

That broke on through; you got the joke.

To see you smile, it could have been me.

And hid my face. The jealousy.

Impossible no more. Now I am free.

No sad goodbyes. Blue skies, I see.

He told the joke that made you laugh.

And creased your forehead like a path.

I took to silence in my smile.

You looked inside. It took a while.

I met Wendy online. She is brave and she is bold. Not like Batman in a mini, left me standing in the cold.

Wendy loves my intellect, says she wants to shave my balls. And not a moments hesitation. I’ll be taking all Wendy’s calls. There’s a shift in something somewhere. That time that push has come to shove. I’m not hearing the others calling. Cause I’m drunk on Wendy’s love.

I’m standing in the fog here. Here huddled in the rain. Feeling warm and fuzzy. I got Wendy on the brain.

Wendy loves my intellect, says she wants to shave my balls. And not a moments hesitation. I’ll be taking all Wendy’s calls. There’s a shift in something somewhere. That time where push has come to shove. I’m not hearing the others calling. Cause I’m down for Wendy’s love.

Now I have not met Wendy. In the person face to face. In the shadows brave and many. In this darkness; human race.

Wendy loves my intellect. Says she wants to shave my balls. And not a moments hesitation. I’ll be taking Wendy’s calls. There’s a shift in something somewhere… A time that push has come to shove. I don’t hear the others calling, because I’m into Wendy’s Love.

Dennis Mantin

I get distracted so easily.

I’ll be reading Marcus Aurelius’s ‘Meditations’ and a text asking me about whether Bukowski is a misogynist or not, and I go down that road.

It’s always been this way.

I am trying to begin writing my 2nd novel. There are so many distractions like work and parenting…

My attraction to Asian women has been a late arrival. Perhaps 20 years ago, there weren’t as many as there are now. I’m sure   I’d be saying the same thing about Mexican women if I lived in California or Mexico.

The traffic is savage now in Toronto and is the thing that distracts the masses here most. This and Asian women…

There is no calculation that I have seen that can determine the reactions of people who do not get their own way.

If you want to know who are dealing with… just say no to them.

Say no without explanation for maximum Strange.

Jack was a career criminal at a time when him and his associates lived by rules and codes…

He was north of 60 when I met him and he swore he wasn’t going back inside.

Jack told me, “Everybody thinks they can go through life and not live by any rules. I’m here to tell you that you’re going to have to live by at least 2 rules. Everybody knows knows rule # 1; however very few know rule # 2… And rule # 2 is never shit in your own nest.”

It’s been 40 years since I’ve seen Jack and I like to think he managed to stay true to his rules.

There was no prior warning.

There is no beauty here to show.

It is darkness in the morning.

Here in deep Alaska snow.

I listened to your snoring.

In deep sleep so far below.

I’m not begging just imploring.

That cold wind is going to blow.

Went out walking in the distance.

There was nothing left to know.

Just some inner voice insistence.

About somewhere we’ve got to go.

There was no prior warning.

There is no beauty here to show.

It’s just more darkness in the morning.

Here in deep Alaska snow.

There is a heart shaped carve in rosewood.
There’s a line drawn in the sand.
I pray there on grace and wonder,
and there’s a baby, she’s in my hand.

There’s a virtue called forgiveness.
From a force we can’t see.
It’s how I deal with darkness.
Of how I feel when you’re with me.

I struggle now to hear you.
Seek approval in your eyes.
I hate you for your beauty.
Like I love you for your lies.

It’s a sad sad situation
Department sad but true.
You fear that they are coming
And you fear what they will do.

It’s a sad sad situation
Under heading sad but true
You fear that they are coming
No one is coming for you.

Dennis Mantin