I arrived in Vancouver by train in the morning as the sun came up, and found a crumpled 5 dollar bill in my back pocket. I was 28, hung over and in a new city, but I wasn’t broke.

You could go to the welfare office, get a check and pay for a hotel room all in Vancouver’s east end, all in the same day.

I did that.

The Hotel Manager was a German named Frank with a severe limp and major anger issues on East Hastings Street.

My room was in the 3rd floor and there were about 200 rooms on 4 floors. There was a sink and mirror as soon as I opened the door and the light forced the cockroaches to scatter.

I had never seen a cockroach before. Things were looking up. A double bed sat just beyond the sink and a window to a back alley world beyond that… I had arrived on skid row!

The first night I got quite drunk on the few dollars I had left over from what Frank the angry German didn’t take for rent; and made a speech to the ‘COCKROACHES’

“I will be on the side of the room with the bed… You guys can have the sink and I will leave some food for you on the floor under the sink. Cross this fucking line!”

I made several lines with my hands and gestures. (drunk)

“And it will be war. Don’t cross the line and we will be OK. “

That was in October 1985. I left skid row in March 1896 just before Expo 86 began.

No cockroaches were harmed during my stay.

Was flickering in that distance.

Or was just my point of view.

No closer than your resistance.

Or my disdain for something new.

I’ve been looking for distraction.

From all that’s tired, bowed and old.

With no additions by subtraction.

And all the love is frozen cold.

All this silence is not golden.

There’s just nothing left to say.

All this new does not embolden.

It just drives the good away.

I will not worry.

You will walk this way or that.

No nt in a hurry.

No revenge, or tit for tat.

Seems to be so easy.

The way I hear people lie.

Like breathing, soft and breezy.

Like the truth would them cry.

I was looking for the answers.

Young Earth had just got old.

In a search for cure of cancers.

No one knew or truth be told.

I was reading at the Google.

Hummed a song that Kanye dealt.

I got drunk and played her bugle.

No one cared bout how I felt.

There are answers. I keep trying.

All this time that I could waste.

At the end, there’s no denying.

It’s all God. No copy-paste.

I was a boy when people asked me…

“What do you want to be when you grow up?”

‘Unafraid.’ I thought.

“I don’t know.” I answered.

I just wanted people to stop hitting me. I just didn’t want to be afraid all the time.

I grew tall and people asked me.

“Why are you so angry?”

“Why do you drink so much?”

“I don’t know. ” I lied.

I am 58 years old and I am a father and I know what I want. To teach her and show her love and support her and be her friend… and paint and make films.

“I will tell story.”

Said I.

Dennis Mantin

Being alone

Is like nothing else

Incomparable…

You discover things there.

That you couldn’t possibly know any other way.

I remembered everything dramatic until I didn’t. I let that shit go, which is a monumental gift.

However, I  remember certain individuals from my childhood who, at the time, I thought were unreasonably cruel. Now I realize they were just human. Nothing more or less. So, to those people that I criticized on the eastcoast!,

“All Apologies!”

I have not been privy to such a way of comfort and luxury, and the cool light, easy, relaxed frame of mind that accompanies such demons…

I suspect not many have prior to this century, and for those that did, I suspect their ancestry are in some way in charge of the current shitshow.

Cities are burning in paradise, and the leaders are seemingly suggesting that in the land of hope and opportunities and prosperity and ingenuity, that next time, there will be water in the fire hydrants…

It’s really difficult to know what exactly is going on without sounding crazy or sinister.

Leadership is now reduced to mansplaining, and in the words of Mr Arthur Fleck, maybe just maybe we are getting what we fucking deserve.

I look at life differently now.

Back in the beginning, I knew everything.

Now I know I know very little.

I know my life is my experience, and I appreciate my experiences more every day.

I love being a parent, maybe as much as I love my kid, and some days, it is something other than love. It is the experience of…

Today, I love my kid!

Today, I see the importance of me trying to make someone else happy.

Most everything has advantages and disadvantages. It’s all about perspectives.

Dennis Mantin

I was looking for the answers.

Young Earth had just got old.

In a search for cure of cancers.

No one knew or truth be told.

I was reading at the Google.

Hummed a song that Kanye dealt.

I got drunk and played her bugle.

No one cared bout how I felt.

There are answers. I keep trying.

All this time that I could waste.

At the end, there’s no denying.

It’s all God. No copy-paste.