I grew up in an abnormal environment if one considers being raised by a mother who told me my father was dead when he wasn’t, abnormal.
To suggest I had emotional issues around trust would be an accurate description of my headspace, however in light of my experience and an overview of human history , I believe my lack of trust is well founded.
My daughter doesn’t remember me living with her mother so the spending time in both homes is very comfortable and normal to her.
I couldn’t live with her mother, the reasons irrelevant, however suffice to say I had to protect me. I am however able to be cordial from the safety of seperate homes.
Zylia said, “I miss Mom when I’m with you and I miss you when I’m with Mom.”
We live in a time where the poorest of our society have a better lifestyle than the richest of the rich did, 200 years ago.
Running water, refrigeration in every home. Access to fresh food everywhere. Private bedrooms.
The longest nonfasting period I’ve gone hungry is 5 days. I was in paradise surrounded by wealth and swore never again would I go without.
I was in my twenties then and it was in Banff Alberta and I saw the first grown man I ever witnessed bumming money on the streets. I vowed never to do that.
I know what hungry feels like… However I have never known the horror of, that it might never end… and for that I am blessed.
I miss her when she’s not here She doesn’t like to talk on the phone I deal well with that because neither do I She has Mom time which is separated from me which is in everyone’s best interests
How someone so special and perfect could be created by 2 people who make such efforts to not be in the same room feels miraculous.
I heard genuine passion in the voice and words of my daughter today.
“I loved It Daddy! As soon as it was over I wanted to go to another class.. ”
To find that, to be encouraged, to be supported… I absolutely love being a parent.
My head swelled waaaay past it’s normal size that day.
How could I have anything to do with someone so perfect?
I watch her grow and let her be her and show me the errors of my ways.
For on my best days when things fall just right, I can be so grand!
But the things I am capable of when the shit hits the fan makes me cringe.
Hungry I will steal. Threatened I will harm. No different from most I suspect.
I loathe the Progress not Perfection motto. It feels delusional.
There are 2 types of Amendments, emotional and financial.
I have found that people who make amends are generous with their, “I’m so story’s, ” however they are not so eager to part with their cash.
There’s a heavy price to pay for this error.
There’s a freedom in the forgiveness of a debt payed in full that words can’t do justice.