I gave you my attention, now I take that away.

It’s not in the cards and there’s nothing to say.

It’s cruel and its cold with no dress rehearse.

The words are all stolen, nothing even to curse.

You’ve won and it’s over and memories do fade.

The voices are empty and the music’s been played.

We were surrounded by warriors and artists not knowing this is where the safety came from.

The storms came with cold air and fierce winds and we settled in to listen to their myths of distant shores.

This is where my mind goes now to that long ago space I couldn’t leave quickly enough to find of what they spoke, and now I know it was only in their hearts and dreams.

I am going back there soon to stay with them into eternity.

I view pet ownership in the same way I view relationships… I want nothing to do with either.

I have this version of my life that happens in my imagination that’s far from reality and a pipe dream at best.

My daughter lives with me full time, which is great for me however, she wants kittens and ferrets and dogs and I am tired of this conversation and bending and breaking, and I love her, I am doing once again what I don’t want to do…

A rhetorical question. Are all relationships like this? Yes I think to some degree they are.

She said that Canada 🇨🇦 is a tricky land. Filled with tricksters and dishonest types.

“Filled?”

I am sometimes unsure if my questions take audible flight or if they remain stuck in my head behind an expression of suspended disbelief…

She continued. “Abusive people who stole the land from the aboriginals.”

I was reminded of a sentence in ‘Heart of Darkness’ “They were conquerors. Not much to brag about really when everything you have has been stolen from the weakness of others.”

“Yes… this is our collective human history. Don’t stare too long into that abyss; for you may become the monster my dear.”

We were dreaming of a future.

Where something better came along.

When we could guide the children.

Where we could be that strong.

We were dreaming of a future.

And the future it is here.

And we are all so happy now.

There was so much crap to clear.

We were up against those forces.

In a post Thanos multiverse.

All the heroes, they now know.

To carry makeup in their purse.

Now that that’s been settled.

No more God or faith no more.

Our leaders are busy leading.

No more questions or out the door.

I have reached a point in life where I value my opinion above most others.

In any large decision I ask 3 people there opinion before I act.

If I am asking you for your opinion understand I respect you.

I don’t believe in such nonsense… It was just coincidence that they said my father was dead when he wasn’t and that my mother caught her first husband trying to kill my older sister or that the mother of my daughter…

However I have these unconcious fears. If I give this voice or pen will it be the prick to that balloon? It is my daughter I fear for.

I pray daily because I would rather be wrong about that than be wrong about the consequences of not praying .

I have this theory that courage to face fears is the difference in those realms of unknown circumstances that sometimes requires faith or as David said to me, “When that hairy hand of fate reaches out from the darkness to squeeze the life out of you; you stab it. That’s what I love.”

Oh to be that sure.

Weary in the shadows, that glow before the sun.

I’ve rested in a restless dream that has no need for fun.

We made it to the sunrise, awake and full of blood.

That flows and fuels this vessel that’s hope and flesh and mud.

I’ve prayed and laid it out, to this spirit I call God.

I told him of my woes and fears, just waiting for a nod.

The sun will rise I’m certain, see the orange glow in the east.

Another day upon us, Another chance to feast.

The winds are slightly stirring, a slight rain in the air.

I know I should be happy and smiles without a care.

There’s a feeling that’s uneasy that comes with lack of sleep.

Best now not to say a word, the silence I can keep.

I’ve been falling out of love.

I’ve been feeling out of touch.

Been slapped by hand in glove.

And the pains not bad as such.

Been down… but there’s no panic.

Between Princess and the Fool.

Not feeling at all a romantic.

Silence will be the rule.

I will ride this out till doomsday.

Got plans and hopes inspire.

These voices in my head at play.

They all singing to the choir.

The optimist says she’s healing.

The pessimist says she’s sick.

It’s all the same sick feeling.

A mind over matter parlor trick.