It’s in the breeze and on the flow. Taking directions that I don’t know. Its in the wind from stream to sea. It’s quiet now and feels free. The sounds of waves and distant bells. Close my eyes, and breathe those smells. Lost is here and regrets are few. I’ll anchor here, be something new.

Dennis Mantin

” I lost my front tooth Daddy. ”

” I saw… you look great… I have a gift for you. ”

” I like to play the guessing game whenever someone gets me a gift… you’ll have to give me a clue. ”

And so another situation begins that anyone else I would walk away from… and she teaches me and leads me to all that’s new and gentle and human; that I missed in my previous life and I am outside of my comfort zone, and I am here, available for her.

Could this be, I’m guessing the unconditional love of which I have heard whispers of?

Dennis Mantin

Except on a plane delay…

Then time is not fleeting…

And in a traffic jam

Then time is not fleeting.

And when you’re late.

Time is not fleeting.

Maybe It’s something else?

Then when you arrive safely…

Then time is fleeting again.

Dennis Mantin

5 strangers who changed the direction of my life for the better.

5 Les M – AA sponsor who taught me to mind my own business and demonstrated death with dignity.

4 George Moores – Introduced himself by first and last name as an alcoholic, a thief and a con… I knew we’d be friends; he didn’t disappoint on any measure and gave me permission to put myself first.

3 Paul Fournier – an artist who encouraged, supported and continues to be a friend.

2 Ron White – An actor who bought my paintings and Introduced me to my career. Invaluable support with whom I am so grateful I got to thank.

1 David Elliott – Council, friend, roommate for 1 year…

Dennis Mantin

You say you want it all… I have never known that ambition. I have just desired God. I am simple like that.

I believe I get that from my mother and I see it in my daughter. It’s what I love and crave.

I feel grateful, content and blessed. There is nothing here to weigh in unwanted desire.

I have peace of mind, which came at a hefty price. Leaving in its wake a distant memory.

Still sifting through these dreams. Somewhere near sleep, sorting out what’s been missing.

It’s so deeply rooted in human fears about something we can never know. I’m OK that I know so very little.

Dennis Mantin

words that say nothing all beaten and worn could be said by a baby that’s barely been born behind winks and smiles and pats on the backs of those who mean nothing that fall through the cracks in a world that’s gone crazy in a mind that’s gone mad with smiles of beauty and tears of the sad

dennis mantin

I have said in the past that I quit alcohol, cocaine and cigarettes all on the same day, however that probably isn’t true… there was a few days into this time where I might have had a cigarette or 3. Memories from those early days are understandably foggy.

Memories in general, I find are foggy bordering on delusional… however I believe this is a human condition, not particular to me.

Regardless it is 14 years at the beginning of September that I quit mind altering substances and decided to sit with and study my uncomfortable emotions instead of trying to drown them.

So far so good.

The world has not ended. I am not the center of the universe and have really never felt better. Putting one foot in front of the other and doing the next right thing.

Prayer and apple cider vinegar!

Dennis Mantin

Margaret my mother explained to me how to float… ” Don’t panic, relax, breathe. If you’re head goes under, don’t panic. You will rise back to the surface. ”

I was 7 and desperate to learn how to swim and for reasons I couldn’t understand Mom wouldn’t go to the river with me. I was young dumb and bored and 4 older boys came by and offered to take me to the river to teach me how to swim. ” You don’t need to tell your mother where we’re going. ”

I knew I was in trouble as soon as we were under the cover of trees. I knew I couldn’t outrun them. No panic. I undressed down to my underwear. The oldest boy Harvey took me into the river as the other 3 grabbed my clothes and ran into the woods to hide the evidence of me being there. I asked Harvey to not put my head under. ” Give me a chance. ” I asked. Harvey complied as he pushed me floating towards the channel.

I could hear them run away and the silence of the river told me that I was alone.

“Don’t panic… breathe… I’m floating. Dear God Dear Jesus Please help me. ”

I moved my hands and controlled my direction and moved towards the treetops.

Margaret saw me run towards home in my underwear.

“What happened?” She asked.

“I can swim.”

In the aftermath all anybody would talk about was the fact we couldn’t find one of my running shoes. ” Who’s going to pay for that?!” I heard my mother ask one of the boys mothers…

Decades later I realized my resentments were probably doing me more harm than others until I checked out how Harvey and the others were… All of them appeared to be drinking themselves to death. I decided to forgive…

Or as Margaret would say, ” Don’t panic, relax, breathe, let it go… You will rise back to the surface. ”

Dennis Mantin

I attended a Baptist Church when I was a boy mainly because a neighbor would drive me there. The Church was a small congregation, less than 30, in a town, less than a 1000.

When the young minister refused to marry the daughter of the neighbor because she was pregnant, the small congregation lost the family of 5 parishoners, plus me because they were my drive.

On the last day that preacher preached in that Church, he closed out by saying, ” We will sing the first and last verses of’ Jesus Loves You. ‘”

The organist whom I had never before speak said in response.

“We will sing them all or we’ll sing none. ”

We sang them all!

Dennis Mantin

This is no hyperbole; I am tired and cranky, ill tempered, out of sorts… I have managed to get through the day and not damage anything or anyone; I think.

The rains came today and I am not anyone named Donald, Harvey or Asia; so it could be far worse.

I remain grateful!

Dennis Mantin