I have lived without war, among those who have endured and been tortured by war, either themselves or the loss of those they loved.

I try to remember that on Remembrance Day and not feel guilt or shame for being so fortunate; but gratitude for that sacrifice that me and mine can live in this world because of that.

The leaves are falling, it could be snow. The here and now’s about to go.

The air is warm and it could be cold. Enjoy these gifts before they fold.

I have achieved nothing of those big dreams from youth that rattled around not settling anywhere, fearing failure I suspected; only to learn in a transformative moment that it was success I feared.

“What if I was successful and they still didn’t like me?”

So much time worried about what others thought or others liked only to learn much later, that they were to busy thinking about themselves and their own fears to even consider me.

I dropped the ball on too many occasions and squandered countless opportunities. This is what it was like growing up without adult supervision. Living for decades almost totally in a delusional fantasy life between my ears.

And Yet here we are…

Healthy, claiming peace of mind. Successful at least in my mind. Happy. Artist, writer, father, not really caring what others think and trying desperately to block out whatever negativity they share.

Dennis Mantin

Darkness fell towards us this evening from skies so unusually blue and warm that this November day heard murmurs of joy and pure gratitude however tempered with caution… for still they worried with stern tight faces that hid little and exposed much behind those light words for yes there’s no hiding the fact that winter is coming and then finally we will have something real to complain about; otherwise known as the state of true happiness!

It’s quiet where I work and it’s quiet where I play. Its quiet in my head and hasn’t always been that way.

Used to talk and babble about things heard long ago. Sometimes I’d just yell louder, if for sure I didn’t know.

The youth they don’t confuse me, I heard it all before. I’m pretty sure I said all that, just before I hit the floor.

.

We were surrounded by warriors and artists not knowing this is where the safety came from.

The storms came with cold air and fierce winds and we settled in to listen to their myths of distant shores.

This is where my mind goes now to that long ago space I couldn’t leave quickly enough to find of what they spoke, and now I know it was only in their hearts and dreams.

I am going back there soon to stay with them into eternity.

An unpleasantness is far from hell! When I imagine the endless possibilities.

Or, I’ve been taking this shite for so long, that maybe I am not giving this the proper respect it deserves… and this has been impressive.

Regardless it is almost over and dare I breathe a sigh of relief? I may have gotten out of this alive with one hell of a breakup story!

Well done!

November forged through with longer nights 🌙 and shorter days bringing frost and cold and 🧊.

We say we are not ready. We say alot of things we don’t mean, meandering through with our thoughts and talking nonsense.

And if delusions and cold aren’t enough to deal with; there will be that election to the south and whatever aftermath comes with that 😉

Nice weather on a Saturday with even a full moon seen…

It’s Halloween in spirit, avoiding covid19.

Recently I’ve discovered that anyone whose name I can’t recall or if I don’t want to talk to them I can just stare vacantly past them and pretend they don’t exist and I usually get the same. It’s wonderful really!