I’ve been trying to change my nature.

It’s the way I start my day.

To be kinder and more silent.

I get on my knees I pray.

I’ve been trying to change my my nature.

For years to change my mind.

All my efforts I’ve concluded.

Have arrived at just be kind.

There’s a moment when we have IT.

That moment we all know.

When things can get no clearer.

When truth and colors show.

Sometimes we see at a sunrise.

Sometimes in dark of night.

When silence is the road map.

When awesome is the sight.

That moment when time changes.

When what was lost is found.

When someone takes your breath away.

And leaves you smiling at the sound.

Her feet will keep on moving where no moss is gonna grow.

She knew a man who had a plan but he’s not gonna show.

It was gonna be so special, but now its  more or less.

It might be looking good to you, but to her it’s all a mess.

She’s been looking for forever for anything but same old.

Something grand to brag about and good story to be told.

So you just keep on moving, there’s nothing to see here.

The same same old is not the plan but chaos will appear.

She’s been looking for forever and her mind cannot be changed.

There will be no happy ending… just a fading to deranged.

The pain it kept on coming, I didn’t know what for.

I didn’t bother asking why, I just knew there could be more.

It always looks so simple, back then it rarely was.

The future seems so distant then, like the present often does.

The end is an illusion, like a dream where time can grow.

With nothing left to fear but loss; I just had to let it go.

The pain it kept on coming, it wasn’t always you.

And when the pain was over, there was nothing left to do.

Except smile at the moment, the moment you were gone.

We had that shiny moment, in the darkness brightness shone.

There’s a Thursday in the future…

Hard rain is going to fall.

There is going to be a reckoning.

The wager will be tall.

It will be an all or nothing.

With no space for turning back.

The eyes will hold that look of fear.

Like a prisoner on the rack.

But for now it’s wine and roses.

Loaded guns behind locked doors.

In the distance there’s a silence.

In my head a battle roars.

She said, “You’re the most kind and generous person I’ve ever met. “

I said, “Then why do you tell people that I’m abusive. “

Her answer was at the ready:

“Your kindness and generosity prove that you’re abusive because nobody could be that kind.”

OW!

You used to call me Brother and sister I don’t know why.

Once  you were my Sister but that is long goodbye.

There’s a scar above that blister and I know you’ve had it tough.

I don’t know how to let this go but I know I’ve had enough.

I’ve taken all I’m taking, all the rest I’ve left is yours.

There’s a message in the leaving, a hope for finding cures.

Charles Bukowski is credited with asking one of my favorite questions…

“Do you remember who you were before the world told you, who you were supposed to be?”

‘They never told me who to be. The world didn’t care enough, which by omission made me very lucky.’

My plans were ripe for alter and change was in the air.

Nothing ventured and little gained amidst cries for foul and fair.

I would have left her in the future, but it never got that far.

So far from truly knowing, just who and what we are.

I know I said I loved her but there’s no way that can be true.

I tried so hard to make things work with chances far and few.

And then she got so angry from this well of ancient rage.

Something happened long ago, so I bounced and turned the page.

Excuses are not necessary but they make us feel so good.

Its all about the play of life in this world of could and should.

Rain is rushing down the gutter.

Washing all that’s in the way.

It’s either one thing or the other…

Bad or good, it’s all in play.

Doesn’t matter what you’re thinking.

Which way that wind is gonna blow.

If you’re down there in the gutter.

Only one way up I know.