I lack power over insincerity.

It makes me wince and retreat.

I have zero tolerance for bullshit.

I possess the power to walk away.

These ancient fears are getting older.

With nowhere for them to grow.

I’ve tried to calm them when I hold her.

And say it’s best that you don’t know.

We aren’t getting any braver.

It’s more human than disease.

Tell myself that faith will save her.

There’s a doubt I think she sees.

I’m ok, I don’t try to hide it.

There’s a freedom in this fear.

I am sitting now beside it.

I may even shed a tear.

There’s a cab ride in my future.

I’m sitting without concern.

There’s not much more to this story.

Except some plot twists and a turn.

Writers and deep thinkers like Herman Hesse propose that if we see something in human behavior that we don’t like… Then we are observing something about ourselves that we find offensive.

I will admit that there is a possibility of this; however a certainty?

Quite often I see behavior in people that can be nothing short of mental illness. The fact that I don’t appreciate the finer details of insanity is not an indication of my own illness.

I’m sure I could convince Mr Hesse to the errors of his ways if he were still among us; however I have little willingness to educate those who keep banging this drum of supposed certainty.

It is s a lofty title, competitions an all time high.

The Chaos Queen is crowned tonight at the corner of high and dry.

My horse is in the running. No shackles are on her toes.

She will lead from wire to wire, and then lose it by a nose.

She will claim a great injustice, policemen will be called.

The crowd will be disjointed with most feelings left appalled.

The winner will be all smiles with a twinkle in her eyes.

The Chaos Queen will wear her crown made to fit most any size.

No winning hand.

Full acceptance!

Resignation guaranteed!

Nigel said, “You chose her.”

True that!

You dance with who you came with or you don’t dance at all…

The arrogance it takes to speak and believe a statement like ‘Women don’t lie’ is as close to staggering as any utterance I have heard or read.

I won’t bother to give a multitude of examples from my own personal experience to disqualify this nonsense… However I will suggest that this is a fairly dangerous premise to be putting forth especially for those that believe this to be so.

Children, men and women all lie. I just haven’t figured out what it is that makes women believe that they are this separated from humanity.

When I was very young I noticed a trait in certain humans that confused me as to why they would do certain things…

My reaction to this behavior has always been fairly consistent: I would bewilderingly ask why? What was the gain? You destroyed your relationship with me for what? So little…

Yesterday I read a Dostoyovski quote that pretty much sums it up.

“Your worst sin is that you destroyed and betrayed yourself for nothing. “

Perfect.

“

I asked my daughter why she wanted to live with me?

She said, “Because you’re nice  “

This is a legacy that I can live with.

When I was in foster care… younger than she is now, someone asked me why I wanted to live with my mother…

I don’t remember what I answered.

My mother returned for me.

I never left my daughter.

Technically I was in the shadows against my will; hovering watching waiting…

The work being done now will hopefully guide her… knowing she is loved and wanted will suffice.

I have been reading for over 50 years in an effort to understand the world and the human condition.

There are times I must confess that I don’t understand and I still do get surprises.

I have been writing almost as long in an effort to understand me… No more surprises there.

The rehearsal is over.

Bring on the main event!