I started late in life. I was in my 40’s

She began in single digits.

This will go on for her lifetime; and that may not be a bad thing.

My therapy program is over. My therapist and I both came to the similar conclusion at the same time. “This is over. “

Someday I will report what she has dealt with. Words can be devastating when delivered by parents to their children.

She hit the breaking point yesterday.

Tears welled up in her eyes as she spoke and  told me what her mother began saying to her beginning at the age of 4…

There are no excuses and finally at the age of 10 she has relieved herself of this burden and she has given this to me to deal with and hopefully dispose of.

She is in a safe place now and putting a spotlight on this, demonstrates that.

Good will come from this rough day I am certain. Good usually comes out of evil eventually…

I remember a few rough days…

The question came from Bukowski in his brilliant book, ‘The Captain is Out to Lunch and The Sailors have Taken Over The Ship.’

Well apparently quite holy indeed. Ask anyone screaming from their side of the argument. “How holy can you get? Which side are you on?”

I am tired of the left and am firmly on the right; that is what side I am on.

I am tired of the right and their black and white, wrong and right, lacking common sense.

I am just fucking tired of all these opinions and the pushing of agendas that lack truths. That’s how holy I can get.

Dennis Mantin

She is telling me her secrets.

A road map through her soul.

A carefully guided mystery tour.

Where survival is the goal.

I will be treading lightly.

Small details I can’t miss.

There are storms and there is paradise.

And a chance at pain or bliss.

I will be keeping tally

All enigmas I will hide.

For discretion will be practiced here.

All virtues true and tried.

I’m sitting in the garden,

no cat is in my lap.

I have been doing nothing.

And still I feel like a nap.

I must be getting older,

Can feel it night and day.

I can’t say that I’m troubled,

all this life got the way.

When I’m deeply satisfied

And I’m sure there’s nothing more.

I will try to rev the engine

Just to listen to the roar.

But for now I’m in the garden,

The air is warm and sweet.

I’ve been thinking about moving in.

With some Lassie down the street.

Where you stumble, there’s the gold.

Life’s a circle in time that’s rolled.

They never told you, you never knew.

You closed your mind and that time flew.

There is a song that’s strong and true.

You learn the lessons that failure grew.

You play the music, you write the song.

You stay in right, you learn from wrong.

I remember being with someone I thought loved me and then nothing changed in a bad way and they behave like a completely different person who wants nothing to do with me and seems to intensely dislike me.

That shit can be life altering.

Dennis Mantin

I am allowing myself to be human today.

I have become increasingly attracted to an unhappily married woman. We have become friends… and really how can that possibly work?

I am at the point where I don’t know; which for me is as foreign as desire. When you spend your life trying to do the next right thing this seems strangely forgivable.

I was friends with Joe MacNamara for the last 100 days of his life. He was 72 and I was 42. We would attend 2 or 3 Alcoholic Anonymous meetings a day during this time.

I use his real name now because this is over 20 years ago and I know no one anymore who remembers my friend Joe.

Life is like that; you remain anonymous for decades and then no one remembers you for an eternity.

Joe was a gangster and a rebel in his younger days and he would talk and I would laugh and listen. He would say, “What are you hanging around here for? Get a job! You are young, go to work. “

I eventually took Joe’s advice. He didn’t seem to understand that I had a job. I just couldn’t be in possession of money at that time and maintain my sobriety.

I somehow learned this skill before I returned to work. It took 100 days and Joe’s death for this to be accomplished.

I work in the film industry. The money is good, however it is not nearly as glamorous as one might imagine.

No matter how much money I make, there always seems to be someone or something present on payday to take it away. Probably a Universal condition of my sobriety.