They call the last shot of the day on a film set the “window” shot.

At 6a.m. on Sunday morning on a 6 day week I find myself caring less about what the origins of this term is…

The birds are chirping now and the morning busses are spinning by empty. I am losing my love for this vocation with each passing second. But 25 years in we seem to have found a reason to be here. I just want to be home with her.

It is not that she is so stunningly beautiful that is her great gift; it’s that she thinks she is not.

I have not been around anyone like this ever. How could such beauty go through life and not get the memo.

This is part of the gift and the conundrum because the humility required to not know this, is somewhere between astounding and unbelievable.

I keep waiting for the mask to drop and a narcisstic monster to leap out from behind this veil and yell, “Gotcha ya fuckin fool!”

And then I wake up and go back to whatever it was I was doing before this dream entered my life.

She is in me now…

I am not pushing back.

I told her that I love her.

And she asked me why.

Words become more or less redundant in such light. This is where less is more and I will stay here in this, until the answer arrives.

She wrote, ‘Do whatever you want.’

I wasn’t with her so I’m certain there was a certain safety in her submission, however nevertheless she certainly got my attention.

It didn’t seem to come from a place of pain. ‘Do whatever you want. ‘

At first it seems like a big list but the more I gave it thought it just reduced itself to me being with her…

The details I was sure I’d figure out.

They said “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks.”

“Nonsense!” I replied.

I have mastered online banking.

For my next trick I will attempt to endure suffering without complaint.

I chose my pain, it’s true.

I didn’t know what you knew.

Oh… Mistakes I’ve made a few.

I chose to leave you too.

From this came something new.

A life with baby grew.

I haven’t dated in 10 years.

In the beginning my reasons were more about not wanting my daughter to deal with the confusion of having a step mom.

Lately though it’s been more about feeling to old to start something new.

My daughter is 10 now and has been encouraging me to date someone we both know and she has been coaching me as to what to say and how to react to certain situations.

“You have to be patient Dad.” She said and continues with her reasoning. Later she offered. “That was a nice thing to do Dad. She will appreciate that. You will see.”

I have this friend and and life coach who is wise beyond her years and in terms of relationships; she has been an unexpectedly great teacher and coach who is light-years ahead of me in understanding women. Who knew?

The swets were dripping from us.

As the sun rose in the sky.

Not much past horizon.

Had this need to tell her why.

But I settled here in silence.

The way I knew I should

I left her with her swet and thoughts.

By the embers burning wood.