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I was a boy when people asked me…

“What do you want to be when you grow up?”

‘Unafraid.’ I thought.

“I don’t know.” I answered.

I just wanted people to stop hitting me. I just didn’t want to be afraid all the time.

I grew tall and people asked me.

“Why are you so angry?”

“Why do you drink so much?”

“I don’t know. ” I lied.

I am 58 years old and I am a father and I know what I want. To teach her and show her love and support her and be her friend… and paint and make films.

“I will tell story.”

Said I.

Dennis Mantin

Someone once said, “Someday it’s the struggles that you will remember with the most fondness.”

I’ve been reflecting on this, and when I am in those moments, dealing with incompetence or someone being difficult for the sake of being difficult… I come alive in both language and aggression. The things I say in those moments are truly memorable; and when success is achieved in this manner… I don’t think the others remember that with the fondness I do.

I don’t think I owned a computer before I was 40.

I was almost 50 before I had a cellphone.

I’ve been writing on my WordPress account now for 10 years. This is easy.

Writing isn’t hard. Editing and sending files in the correct format is insanely challenging for me because I didn’t grow up with this technology. I learned to type on an actual typewriter.

Copy and paste.

Drag and Drop.

Really?

People say this like I’m supposed to know, and I don’t.

The only reason I long to be wealthy is to know someone who can drag and drop for me.

By the way… this photo was taken in Ireland, and the colors formed naturally from ice particles in the air. Or that’s what the brochure says!

In 10 days, God willing, I will have achieved 19 years Alcohol and drug free. There will be no parade or medallion. This has not been without challenges. However, this sobriety has been peaceful without craving, and for that miracle, I am grateful. I am an alcoholic.

Chances were the premium at the chances store.
Called up their proprietor and asked for just one more.
Inside information suggested relocate.
When they closed the chances store, it sealed the users fate.
With no plans for the future and the future, it is here.
Who knew that the sun would rise and whisper last nights fear?
So we headed for the highway, which ended at the light.
Looked upon arrival, no chances store in sight.
Searching for the answers that will ease the fears.
Some will stand there crying and find few are buying tears.
All are someone’s baby lost along the way.
Strangers and sojourners who have lost the need to pray.
And I say, “Pray”

Dennis Mantin

My friend hasn’t seen her daughter in 11 years, and she’s depressed. She is reaching out to me in the darkness of early morning 2a.m texts.

Beauty and youth have passed on taking humor with it. She is an actress who doesn’t get offered the roles anymore.

I tell her to write. Her perspective from her unique views will be hilarious and sad, I anticipate.

Me? Oh, I’m rolling quarters to pay for a door lock because that’s where it’s at right now.

I am neither depressed nor lonely. I am engaged in the theater of life!

It’s 7a.m. on a Sunday in July 2023, and I wake up thinking about her because I’m impressed more than in love.

I should be worried and filled with dread. However, I am not. Does this mean I have faith? I don’t know. I do know I have met someone who has taken me out of me.

I will wait and not react. I will exercise patience. I have slept well, which is a good sign.

Things are out of my control. I am not powerless. It’s just in a holding pattern. Spending time with the kid, reading the Russians, introducing her to Sherlock and Cumberbatch.

She left yesterday, and she said she would return tomorrow. She said she lives in the present. She didn’t dwell in yesterday. I am trying not to worry about tomorrow’s.

It is a work in progress. The weather is good and warm here. The girl is sleeping and talking in her sleep. Calm short sentences. Working something out, too…

It’s been 6 years since I finished my short film The Meditation, and little about that went as planned. Of note: the world didn’t end then either.

Dennis Mantin