Marcus wrote, ‘When you arise in the morning think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive-to breathe, to think, to enjoy and to love. ‘

Now there’s a meditation.

It might be important to note that Mr Aurelius was the last of what was considered to be in Rome…

‘The 5 Good Emporers. ‘ A period of about 200 years that ended in 180 A.D.

Marcus was also a Stoic Philosopher.

A large gaping mouth set on a gigantic head, held up by a tiny neck unable to swallow their desires…

The horror! The horror!!

Now I have the visual of the narcissistic view.

They fear they don’t exist…

I recognized my nature.

Not much was steeped in good.

There was this strange sensation.

Like maybe I just should.

Forget it all and start a new.

Take the narrow view to wide.

Take my head out from my ass.

And maybe look outside.

Not all is gain or glory.

Not all is pain and strife.

The road the path the choices made.

It’s a wild ride this life.

I remembered everything dramatic until I didn’t. I let that shit go, which is a monumental gift.

However, I  remember certain individuals from my childhood who, at the time, I thought were unreasonably cruel. Now I realize they were just human. Nothing more or less. So, to those people that I criticized on the eastcoast!,

“All Apologies!”

The bad luck raised suspicions, on a path that was beat down.

No one dared to look within or see the wise men in the town.

It was happening for eons, as long as Grandad could recall.

Like a dark foreboding plank walk or a dream in which you fall.

Until the child spoke her words that, “Maybe somethings wrong with me?”

So we made a meeting with the Doc, down at the Family Psychiatry.

The doctor raised awareness and we all took a look.

Things are looking so good now, might take Grandma off the hook.

Now life is far from perfect however the family’s not so sad.

Looking in the mirror, not blaming blind luck, good or bad.

I don’t know why my baby loves clowns.
Whose painted on tears never fall down.
I don’t know what she sees in their eyes
Perhaps the line between horror/surprise…

I don’t know why my baby can’t sing.
Why carnival music isn’t her thing.
It fills my head when I’m at the fair.
Searching for clues in clowns everywhere.

I don’t know why she screams at night.
I hope it’s not why she holds me so tight.
Because I’m the type I’m weak for love.
Carnival music I rise above.

Is it the pain or is it the tears?
For some carnival crime from yesteryears.
Maybe it’s you, maybe I’ll never know.
Maybe it’s me, baby let go.

(chorus)

Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings horses and all the kings men.
Tried and they tried but she fell down again.

Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
She went to her shrink ended up at the mall.
Humpty Dumpty wanted it all.

Dennis Mantin

It’s the first dream I had that I remember… I don’t know how old I was when they began. However, the nightmare lasted for years…

I would walk down a darkened, dimly lit hallway, and there’s a turn to the left and a turn to the right and then a curtain and then a door and more turns…

The panic starts when I try to find my way back or out…

Sometimes, I make it to a field where there’s a little boy on a swing. He asks me to join him, and I can’t get closer than where I am.

At the outside edges of the boy on the swing, a spiraling trail of smoke similar to what comes from a jet or airplane begins to appear and spirals into smaller and smaller arcs until the boy on the swing disappears…

I stopped having this dream when I moved to the farm with Mom.

My father is not a nice person. He stays silent… However, I hear him when he mumbles his disdain for anyone near and far. I know he hates me. I think he hates Mom. In fact, I think he hates everyone and everything. Everywhere. So I don’t take it personally.

My mother isn’t going to take this much more. She has a side of herself that he has never seen. However, it’s coming. I saw it last night. Her rage today is on full display! She got right in my face. “If I pack up and leave, do you want to come with? Staying with that useless sonofabitch is also an option.”

I nodded.

“Good… then it’s settled.”

They think I can’t understand them because I haven’t begun to talk yet. However, I have been making mental notes and the shit they say; I mean zero filters…

I walked down a long shadowed corridor last night and saw Danny. He came out of the blue mist like always. He was with Mom and Dad. This was long ago, and they were all smiling. This was before my beginning, when Dad wasn’t sad. I asked Danny what happened to him, but he just shrugs like he doesn’t know. He asked me to come play with him, and then he disappeared on a swing. That’s always what happens. He starts swinging on the swing and then fades into a green smokey misty void…

Mom comes and picks me up when she hears me screaming, which happens every time Danny disappears. I’m afraid to leave here because maybe it’s only here that Danny can find me. I’m afraid I’ll forget him.

If I ever get out of this crib; heads are gonna roll!

Dennis Mantin

She was toxic in that good way.

Like main line heroin.

She could sense my disappointment.

And then gently glide it in.

I was looking for some answers.

Truth; I was looking for some trust.

I was sentenced to her beauty.

I gave it all, then all went bust.

I broke free but not in spirit.

When I’d sleep, she’d find my dreams.

What looked good at the omega.

At the alpha distance screams.

Standing on the gallows.

Passed the point of no return.

The unknown is my future.

At a stake that’s gonna burn.

Breathing calm and in my meadows.

So many dramas come to this.

There’s a guard who shifts uneasy.

I say ok… go have a piss.

I could go. But I have plans now.

I’m going to face this thing that comes.

I’ve not made a reservation.

But there’s a drummer beating drums.

I’ve been fighting. I’ve been worried.

Many chances. Chances Store.

I have always been so hurried.

No more hurried here, no more.