Being alone

Is like nothing else

Incomparable…

You discover things there.

That you couldn’t possibly know any other way.

I was looking for the answers.

Young Earth had just got old.

In a search for cure of cancers.

No one knew or truth be told.

I was reading at the Google.

Hummed a song that Kanye dealt.

I got drunk and played her bugle.

No one cared bout how I felt.

There are answers. I keep trying.

All this time that I could waste.

At the end, there’s no denying.

It’s all God. No copy-paste.

I realized this morning that I’ve been doing this for 10 years now, and I am going to switch gears and concentrate on writing my second novel, which has the title of… “The Chances Store.”

When I started this process, I was beginning to loath the word journey, only because of its overuse and haven’t changed my mind on this yet…

I wanted to leave a log for my then 2 years old daughter so she might know at a later time what was happening in my internal world at a time when she couldn’t possibly know. Now that she is 12, almost 13, and has entered the phase where I know nothing, I am feeling less generous about exposure to my soft underbelly and am more interested in writing a less gentle brand of fiction.

I will be reposting from time to time some of the more accepted and commented on writings from the last decade…

We were taught about this love.

From those who never knew.

They had heard the stories of.

From the dreamers and the few.

These survivors of those wars.

Who heard this from above.

To teach in words and metaphors.

To live, lie, and say I love.

I’ve heard them speaking of.

Just not certain or so sure.

I said I don’t believe in love.

So altruistic and so pure.

There is color in the flowers.

And moisture in the rain.

The rocks are hard and heavy.

And the soil holds all pain.

I’ve been dancing in the meadows.

I don’t dare to stay too long.

And only under darkened skies.

Where the thunder plays my song.

No more confab with the foolish.

Or the prideful, boastful voice.

I take it to the world at large.

And pretend I have a choice.

Sometimes, I miss delusions.

In the busy city streets.

And the chaos and confusions.

But not the phones and texts and tweets.

They held on with great fury.

Leaving marks of letting go.

And the blood it stained: don’t worry.

All scars heal, yeah, you know?

They were courting with disaster.

Then again, was nothing new.

On the street, he walked right past her.

Brighter smiles. Resentments grew.

They got old and lost all memories.

And in the end, they all died.

They were buried by their enemies.

And in their eulogies, someone lied.

There is something in the water.

In the air like flakes of snow.

Take the narrow to the broader.

I’m just learning letting go.

You are cold, and you are distant.

It’s all tell now and no show.

If I were just more consistent.

I could teach this letting go.

There’s a moral to this story.

Builds a plot like mold will grow.

There’s no need to say you’re sorry.

You taught me well this letting go.

I am cold and I am distant.

I’m all tell now and no show.

You teach well, so persistent.

Such a gift this letting go.

The Ancients started singing.

In an unfamiliar key.

The Stoners started dancing.

And staring at just me.

The Republicans they were drowning.

Outside the Democratic waves.

The Angel’s started humming.

Just some notes from Jesus’ saves.

A voice spoke said, “You’re dreaming.”

I screamed, “Please go away.”

They kept shaking in the evening.

Through the night and brand new day.

Now, the Ancients are together.

They are smiling like they knew.

Like they’ve known about forever.

And a different shade of blue.

They spoke, “Just keep on going.”

And I drifted deep in song.

Until I woke to someone crying.

I guess I had been away too long.

Was flickering in that distance.

Or was just my point of view.

No closer than your resistance.

Or my disdain for something new.

I’ve been looking for distraction.

From all that’s tired, bowed and old.

With no additions by subtraction.

And all the love is frozen cold.

All this silence is not golden.

There’s just nothing left to say.

All this new does not embolden.

It just drives the good away.

While I was making peace with the Cockroaches in my Hotel Room, I was making love with another tenant, who was a lovely native Indian woman from Vancouver Island.

I found a job working at a car wash and marveled at how much smoother the paint was on higher end cars like Rolls Royces or Jaquaurs.

Then I got an evening job in the kitchen at the ‘Town Pump’, a venue for great live music and average food.

Then I got a midnight to 8a.m. job at Hambrger Mary’s, a 24 hour fast food joint that catered Hookers, Transvestites and a very colorful yet dangerous brand of streetlife.

I was working my way out Vancouver. I gave up the Welfare cheques. I gave up the car wash in the cold and wet, slept during the day and worked from 4p.m. until 8a.m.

Bill Kennedy the Hustler could not grasp why I worked so much. In this world of Skid Row; an honest God Fearing, hard working individual like myself was seen as peculiar, I think.

Bill suggested I take a look in the welfare office… He thought there would be cheques there with my name on them.

He was right.

I wasn’t so honest after all.

I traveled east by train.

Dennis Mantin