It took time to see the setback as a gain. I no longer see these details as victories or defeat…

One day at a time has transformed into- Every day is a victory of life and experience not to be mistaken for something trivial.

There is peace in the valley… finally!

I feel it before I speak.

Nothing good is coming…

H.A.L.T. I ask myself if I am any of these things? (Hungry-Angry-Lonely-Tired)? I am all of these things.

I will grind it out and shut up until this passes.

I think about what George said years ago… “We talk about loneliness so seldom that H.A.L.T. could be referred to as H.A.T.”

It is early in the evening…

The sun is out of sight.

Dropped behind the curtain.

That soon will bring on the night.

This early in the evening.

You can find me by my bed.

And falling in that little screen.

Or think of things you said.

I remember my mother at certain times would stop speaking with one person or another or wouldn’t shop at a particular store for reasons that were not quite clear to me, for I was a child… However I did realize that she had her reasons.

I also remember during my adolescent phase, which perhaps lasted longer than it should have, where my opinionated unwarranted expressions caused great offense; and I would leave with the knowledge that I had created some hurt feelings , however not necessarily knowing what they were.

Later I learned that even a fool who remains silent can appear wise.

Lately it has come to my attention that asking someone a question can brush up against their sensitivities and cause a reaction not dissimilar to how my mother responded.

I am beginning to understand why certain individuals in society become reclusive in their later years.

I have determined I will not take this path going forward due to the fact that its too predictable and I don’t know if I could live without the human entertainment value.

The sleep it came in bunches.

In groups the way things do.

It’s more or less a given.

Not meant for me and you.

You and I have been through that.

We take it as it flows.

Most days I wake up tired.

And that’s how the story goes.

Hope does spring eternal.

Smiles are passed around.

Except at Grandma’s funeral.

There’s a deep and mournful sound.

There is drinking in the parlor.

A joint sparked on the porch.

The youngsters are not gangsters.

Just the passing of the torch.

This is Jack who I just met while we were filming some scenes for a movie in his Roxborough neighborhood.

I told Jack he had a lovely neighborhood and asked him how long he’s lived here…

Jack answered, “101 years.”

I asked him if I could have a photo and he took off his hat and pulled his hair to show me he didn’t have a hair piece.

He asked me what my job in the production was and I told him I was a driver for about 25 years.

Jack looked me over and said before walking away, “You look like you could be the president of the company. “

“God bless you Roxborough Jack!”

She sleeps downstairs in a makeshift bedroom off the kitchen and is the reason I can go to work and truly she is lovely and my daughter likes her very much.

She says she doesn’t wake easily however I still step silently, not wanting to disturb. I open the fridge door for light so I can see my vitamins and juice.

We make it work.

Just before dawn, they sleep as I creep around in silence trying not to disturb.

I don’t turn on the lights in the darkness Make my way by feel and memory; we’ve been here for a while now.

We have talked of leaving this place for a better neighborhood, that has less and more of certain things.

It is quiet here in the darkness.

I like that until I don’t.

Mike called it the ‘blur.’

A state of mind he went to when he was tired and beat; but refused to give in and push ahead until the task at hand is complete.

Not giving in also meant being in control of one’s emotions no matter how much you wanted to scream or smash something or someone.

Mike is strong like that…

Always has been.

This too shall pass.