Charles Bukowski asked, “Do you remember who you were before they told you who to be?”

My daughter turns 10 this week and is struggling to maintain the ideal she has of herself amidst the growing expectations placed on her in the name of ‘growing up.’

I told her I’m aware of her pains and struggles and I will help her remember who she is now and who she has been up until now.

She seems relieved despite the the fact that I’ve made the RULE, no more drawing in school other than art classes. You must learn what they are trying to teach you. Then we go back to art and drawing.

Because we have trust, she knows I’m telling her the truth and not selling her the goods.

Happy Birthday Zylia! It is an honor to be your friend and father.

Are these failures to many to count? Or just too painful to remember?

Having failed to act with patience in moments of injustice from those I have encountered; in this I have sought virtues?

If I desire true honesty then I ought to have more kindness and compassion with less judgment of those who chose a different path.

It is what we do while we wait.

The inevitable thing that comes with the passage of time.

Do we suffer or rejoice or maybe a little of both?

I can not dwell on these human failures that come to me in thoughts and fears.

Try to let these pass and look towards the unknown for hope and dare I say Faith?

She is almost 10 and I have watched her grow to the point where she tells me who she is because we have developed this kind of trust where we allow ourselves to be less than perfect; however we do have dreams of elevated plateaus…

She told me last night what she is writing and creating 8 books, each with a different title but connected somehow. She is working out her mythologies and I am impressed and hopefully providing the environment where all of these stories can flourish.

I also love the fact she wants to share the process with me.

This is her latest sculpture.

I apologized because I was wrong.

I was wrong because I let my emotions get the better of me.

I let my emotions get the better of me because I am human.

I am human…

I grow until I do not…

I’d lost my patience and being aware of what I probably never really had I wondered how I might get some??

I decided on sheer uncompromising honestly.

I said, “I can’t pay you. I’m broke… It’s not my choice. I need weeks, maybe a month.”

He said he understood and offered a possible solution. I am on standby, waiting with honesty.

I get triggered by huge financial costs perpetrated by lawyers and a $12,000.00 bill has sent me into fight or flight mode; and all patience goes out the window!!

I have always worked hard and know what it’s like to be without… This fear I believe is linked to these efforts.

I am not complaining, I’m just self observing my character flaws.

The roses came in plastic. Wrapped around your name.

Never had the pleasure. I don’t have your need for fame?

There is quiet in these moments. There is moisture in the rain.

I know you stood there crying. They’ve all failed you once again.

I must thank you for the flowers. Gave them water in a vase.

The sun came through the window and I dance when music plays.