You’ve really got to hand it to the Modern way of thinking.

The Modernist thinkers with the advantage of all history at their disposal have altered humanity to fit into their intellectual intelligence.

In no particular order:

Removal of Church and God to insignificant.

Replacement of Patriarchal structure with something softer and more gentle.

Let children decide their sex and allow castration of said children.

Suddenly abortion rights don’t seem to be the issue.

Well done!

Fuck

It’s funny to hear comments about how men don’t respect women: when most of the men I’ve observed, including myself, lose all sense of self at the sight of the women we are attracted to…

So, what is this phenomenon people are speaking of?

What is the expectation?

What fantasy fuckery are these trolls speaking about?

This leads to the real question:

Why are so many people alone and miserable?

“It’s always been a gift I’ve had. Finding beautiful cruel women… What I’ve never been able to figure out is it the beauty that makes them cruel or my desire?”

I am finding that the older I get, the less patience I have for relationships of any kind.

I am not a humanist.

I enjoy watching people; however, interacting with them has become tedious and painful….

There are exceptions, I guess…

She is happy now!

And confident. There is no nervousness in her stories, just narrative. I feel honored when she shares with me.

“The Asian guy at A&W is my favorite! ” She smiles. “He always gives me 2 lolys. I didn’t have enough to get a drink and he said, ‘No worries, the drinks on me.’ Then he gave me 4 lollipops… Made my day. “

It’s the little things in life that matter I find when we can get out of our on way and just be.

I feel my heart beating and I know I exist.

This world I can touch and I know it exists.

With little interference from others I have come to know me. I am definable. I will not be a stranger to myself like the others.

“Know thyself. ” said Socrates.

I see her and I know what I want.

She will decide and I be reduced to that.

But not a stranger to myself.

I will accept and stay or move on.

Life is grand like this…

What a magnificent word; Undermined. The Beginning. The alpha of thought. Where such treachery begins…

In the end, most will forget the beginnings of such horror.

Everyone but the writers and poets. They will take notes and point.

The voluntary flight from light where life is no longer worth the bother. The absurdity. The horror!

I have not pondered suicide.

I have feared death.

I have fought to live.

Maybe if I didn’t struggle at the beginning? Maybe experiencing harmony after only being in disharmony makes life somehow more bearable than being born into harmony and then losing that to chaos.

I have watched people undermine themselves and be Undermined by others.

The tragedy of not being able to trust others is perhaps only surpassed by the horror of not being able to trust yourself.

I am reading CAMUS. THE MYTH OF SISYPHUS.

Such fun.