My father is not a nice person. He stays silent… However, I hear him when he mumbles his disdain for anyone near and far. I know he hates me. I think he hates Mom. In fact, I think he hates everyone and everything. Everywhere. So I don’t take it personally.

My mother isn’t going to take this much more. She has a side of herself that he has never seen. However, it’s coming. I saw it last night. Her rage today is on full display! She got right in my face. “If I pack up and leave, do you want to come with? Staying with that useless sonofabitch is also an option.”

I nodded.

“Good… then it’s settled.”

They think I can’t understand them because I haven’t begun to talk yet. However, I have been making mental notes and the shit they say; I mean zero filters…

I walked down a long shadowed corridor last night and saw Danny. He came out of the blue mist like always. He was with Mom and Dad. This was long ago, and they were all smiling. This was before my beginning, when Dad wasn’t sad. I asked Danny what happened to him, but he just shrugs like he doesn’t know. He asked me to come play with him, and then he disappeared on a swing. That’s always what happens. He starts swinging on the swing and then fades into a green smokey misty void…

Mom comes and picks me up when she hears me screaming, which happens every time Danny disappears. I’m afraid to leave here because maybe it’s only here that Danny can find me. I’m afraid I’ll forget him.

If I ever get out of this crib; heads are gonna roll!

Dennis Mantin

She was toxic in that good way.

Like main line heroin.

She could sense my disappointment.

And then gently glide it in.

I was looking for some answers.

Truth; I was looking for some trust.

I was sentenced to her beauty.

I gave it all, then all went bust.

I broke free but not in spirit.

When I’d sleep, she’d find my dreams.

What looked good at the omega.

At the alpha distance screams.

Standing on the gallows.

Passed the point of no return.

The unknown is my future.

At a stake that’s gonna burn.

Breathing calm and in my meadows.

So many dramas come to this.

There’s a guard who shifts uneasy.

I say ok… go have a piss.

I could go. But I have plans now.

I’m going to face this thing that comes.

I’ve not made a reservation.

But there’s a drummer beating drums.

I’ve been fighting. I’ve been worried.

Many chances. Chances Store.

I have always been so hurried.

No more hurried here, no more.

I tried to be a humanist.

I just never found that grove.

All that whining at the get-go.

Had to bounce and bust a move.

I tried things less than spiritual.

More like carnal, some call lust.

Perhaps a search, a thing called love.

I just couldn’t find the trust.

All this searching has a fortune.

Maybe one that’s hard to see.

Down a path I wouldn’t recommend.

Some things you can’t unsee.

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We were cleaning up old memories.

Like pride and love before the fall.

All that pain, old friends and enemies.

And then they broke out the alcohol.

They were laughing at the beginning.

Howling screaming, clutching smiles.

There were tears amidst the grinning.

So much noise in those miles.

I look at you, I see right through you.

I push that pawn right through and passed.

All those friends who said they knew you.

They knew the looks that couldn’t last.

You can’t hold it all forever.

Cause God knows that we both tried.

I said, ” Love can’t last forever.”

You see right there… you knew I lied.

There are times that I could die here.

And know that I could fade away.

I knew this thing that they called happy.

It’s another time so far away.

It’s high stress all this loving.

Heart beating hard now triple timed.

I’ve been parked now on the off-ramp.

In those shadows less than kind.

She’s been worried about high flying.

I don’t fret about those fears.

Riding rough and sick of trying.

Now stop crying, faking tears.

I’ve been writing a new chorus.

I’ve been looking for fresh chords.

Rich man drives fast now in a taxi.

Passing poor men in their Fords.

We all are walking in cold shadows.

Under blue skies filled with rain.

I am quiet, no more promise.

I will let you live your pain.

There’s a lesson if you listen.

To a voice that lives inside.

Telling me that it’s not over.

Doesn’t care how hard you cried.