I have achieved nothing of those big dreams from youth that rattled around not settling anywhere, fearing failure I suspected; only to learn in a transformative moment that it was success I feared.
“What if I was successful and they still didn’t like me?”
So much time worried about what others thought or others liked only to learn much later, that they were to busy thinking about themselves and their own fears to even consider me.
I dropped the ball on too many occasions and squandered countless opportunities. This is what it was like growing up without adult supervision. Living for decades almost totally in a delusional fantasy life between my ears.
And Yet here we are…
Healthy, claiming peace of mind. Successful at least in my mind. Happy. Artist, writer, father, not really caring what others think and trying desperately to block out whatever negativity they share.
Darkness fell towards us this evening from skies so unusually blue and warm that this November day heard murmurs of joy and pure gratitude however tempered with caution… for still they worried with stern tight faces that hid little and exposed much behind those light words for yes there’s no hiding the fact that winter is coming and then finally we will have something real to complain about; otherwise known as the state of true happiness!