Envy

Apparently Envy is everywhere.

At least according T.S. Elliott. I am without this. I appreciate the talents of others however don’t want to be like them or be them. This is not delusional. I remember wanting to be anyone but me.

What fortune to grow out of this!

Many have not apparently.

Dennis Mantin

The Dream at 9

She woke and said, “That was a weird dream…”

I was waiting for her and said, “Care to tell?”

She said, “I left class to use the toilet and I went to another empty class and peed and pooed on a desk. Then the teacher came in… but he was nice to me… I wonder what that means Dad?

“Guessing you don’t like school.”

Dennis Mantin

Truth

Apparently it is extremely difficult to tell the truth.

When you’re old there’s that need to embellish the grand olden days of inexperience and in ones youth there’s that need to exaggerate, in an effort to be admired.

The very young have so many examples  of how not to tell the truth; really how could it be any other way for them?

Dennis Mantin

Single Father

I have a roommate for the first time in decades, a friend who’s helping me with my daughter; as I am without doubt a Single Father.

I heard him talking and a woman’s voice outside my house in the early morning and found out that he went outside to walk off a headache, only to find a young couple smoking crack in our yard.

He asked, “Do you live here?”

She lied, “Yes.”

He responded, “So if I call the cops then you won’t have any problems?”

And finally she said before leaving, “This used to be such a nice neighborhood before all the yuppies moved in.”

Can’t make this shit up.

Dennis Mantin

War

I have lived without war, among those who have endured and been tortured by war, either themselves or the loss of those they loved.

I try to remember that on Remembrance Day and not feel guilt or shame for being so fortunate; but gratitude for that sacrifice that me and mine can live in this world because of that.

Dennis Mantin

I

I have achieved nothing of those big dreams from youth that rattled around not settling anywhere, fearing failure I suspected; only to learn in a transformative moment that it was success I feared.

“What if I was successful and they still didn’t like me?”

So much time worried about what others thought or others liked only to learn much later, that they were to busy thinking about themselves and their own fears to even consider me.

I dropped the ball on too many occasions and squandered countless opportunities. This is what it was like growing up without adult supervision. Living for decades almost totally in a delusional fantasy life between my ears.

And Yet here we are…

Healthy, claiming peace of mind. Successful at least in my mind. Happy. Artist, writer, father, not really caring what others think and trying desperately to block out whatever negativity they share.

The Fall

Darkness fell towards us this evening from skies so unusually blue and warm that this November day heard murmurs of joy and pure gratitude however tempered with caution… for still they worried with stern tight faces that hid little and exposed much behind those light words for yes there’s no hiding the fact that winter is coming and then finally we will have something real to complain about; otherwise known as the state of true happiness!

Dennis Mantin